Chronically Awkward

Saturday 31 May 2014

Toronto: Day 2 + 3

Day 2

Currently writing this at a train station somewhere in Toronto...Burlington I think? Feeling misled quite a bit because I'm kind of getting good at navigating myself around all on my j's.

Considering when my parents first started letting me get the bus alone to far places (when I was like 11-13) I would usually end up lost on the street crying and they'd have to come get me (first trip to Croydon wooo!).

I'm the bad kind of stereotypical woman who usually can't read maps or give directions to save her life, or I was until recently. I've managed to get myself across the country, and now from one part of Toronto to another #BAWSY. Made reservations for accommodation, bus tickets, the lot. I'm usually so lastminute.com with these things and too chicken to go anywhere on my own (aside from leaving the country), only people that know me really well will see what a milestone this is lol.

*Niagara at night*

So this bit is a continuation from yesterday. I ended up crawling out of my bed with enough time and just enough energy to go see the fireworks at the falls.

#SideNote

Canadians know NOTHING about walking. Nothing. So no info they give you on how long it takes to walk somewhere is accurate. Ever. The hostel lady was like oh, 10 minute walk up, follow the river to the falls....20 minutes later I got there. Luckily they hadn't started lighting up the sky yet. But they do light the falls up at night, in romantic pastel colours, which was really lovely although me and my digi can couldn't accurately capture a thing. Mental pictures all the way.

When the fireworks did pop off though, it was amazing. That's half due to them being over the falls, that I had never seen until this point, and that I hadn't seen fireworks in like, a year or more.

But see, the bad thing about fireworks on a rainy, cloudy day, over falls so big and powerful is that they spray and mist all over the fireworks so after a while you just end up with fire clouds and explosive sound effects...still glad I went though.

*Niagara in the morning*

Attempt number 2 at seeing the falls was much more fruitful.

Toronto had gotten itself together and gave me the sunshine yahoo weather had promised so it was shorts on, skin out and and shades down.

I walked once again and rewarded myself with butter pecan and butterscotch ripple ice-cream, obviously.

Team Healthy Eating!!

#SideNote

Restraint was removed from my vocab
this weekend. Salad next week....

This weekend has been the ultimate fall-off-the-waggon in terms of the battle against the Chubb. I lived on whatever was accessible to my accommodation and what I could buy at short notice with cards or coins. Which means late night and lunchtime leftover Domino's, Burger King dinners, ice-cream breakfast, rest-stop snacks - the lot.

I don't know what it is with Canada and tulips, but they are literally the symbol of "summer is here!" They are EVERYWHERE right now and Niagara was no exception. It was also selfie central so everyone was hogging the good waterfall shot spots which was annoying. But I got to see a lot considering I wasn't rich or brave enough to go on the ferry and go risk my life to get close to the falls. Plus the queue was a joke and not-optional if I was gonna make it to The Queensway later.

The rest of Niagara from what I saw, unless linked to a casino, hotel or restaurant is like the dried up cracked heel back of this Fake Vegas town - which was essentially where the bust station and hostel are located. The closer you are to the falls though, Cousin Vegas comes to life and at night with all the electricity in the city on full blast. Me and my retinas weren't ready.

*Niagara to Burlington Journey Mercies*

I'm telling you, being lost, with a British accent gets you places I swear. With my Google Maps papers in hand I stared down the bus it was telling me to get on, even though the driver was clearly on break.

In England, you don't exist to bus drivers till break is over...but not here. Driver came out, told me where to go catch the bus when it was time and then said the greatest thing ever when he came to the main bus stop. Well first he said my fare was $12.50 (like £7). I think he could sense all the coins about to come his way when I went rummaging in my purse so he says:

"Have a seat."

I thought he meant so I could count my coins without holding up the bus but then when I asked if he was sure he said:

"I won't tell if you won't"

I gave the only other obvious response, next to thank you:

"You don't have to tell me twice!"

1hr30 bus ride instantly became more pleasant!

*Burlington to Queensway*

Right now I'm sitting on the top floor of a triple-decker monster train...clearly North America is not here for our basic, minimal passenger carrying transport lol. First time I ever got on one of these bad boys was visiting my family in New Jersey. They look ridiculous and unnecessary but hey, I've never seen how much they come in handy during rush hour...

*Long Branch to Queensway*

Ok I've let it go. Toronto is just not cute. It's not a pretty city, I've decided. Good thing looks aren't everything...

*Church on the Queensway Still Believe Concert*

Can't deal. I'm not even gonna front. How are this many good looking Christian guys in Toronto and why have they all descended upon this building?! Wish I had my P4P ring right now. If I meet my husband tonight I'm cool with it. Trust. Ugh I can't even. Shades on, deep breath.

On the concert itself, it's moments like that that make me so glad and so ridiculously happy to be a Christian. Seriously, I've been to some really amazing live shows and seen great ones on TV - like everyone else I'm sure - but nothing compares to events like that. The mentality is completely different and it goes so far beyond audience participation and someone like Queen Bey going "stretch out ya hand I wanna feel your energy". It's the opposite of self focused. I love to worship God, I love singing, I love to pray with others and this had it all. A fully mind blowing experience from start to finish. Kim Walker is a ridiculously amazing singer, her voice is so powerful even though her frame is like miniature, the same can be said of her supporting acts Derek ..... And Kristine Demarco. And Jesus Culture are proffesionalllllls! Those musicians were on point, the lights show was unbelievable, the whole atmosphere was crazy and the songs they did shook the room. I was extra happy because they did my favourites from some other big name artists - Set A Fire (Will Regan), Break Every Chain (Tasha Cobbs) and the biggest if big ones Oceans (Hillsong United).

Best money I ever spent and I will definitely see them again if a UK tour comes soon...

Day 3

*(technically also day 2) Deluxe Inn Motel*

Considering the fact that I'm travelling alone and had to trek across Toronto for 2 days of my trip (including right now as I'm on the subway) I made sure my accommodation wasn't too far from whatever I wanted to do. So when I booked the D.I. I was extra happy because its like 30secs from the concert venue. HOWEVER, I thought let me be special and see what TripAdvisor says long after I've booked my ticket:

"Hadn't received my reservation from Expedia..........Room was filthy, especially the bathroom. Entrance door had been kicked in at the bottom, didn't close properly. Broken glass, obviously off a windshield all over the back parking lot. Pimps picking up their girls in the morning in black cadillacs. I would never, ever stay again in this place."

Now I've seen one to many horror movies and thrillers (Taken) for this to have been well received. Still, I'm a student and this wasn't payday week so....I prepared for the worst and kept my reservation. Lo and behold I'm writing this the next day, alive and well without some hook handed stranger jiggling my doorknob the night before. Score one for D.I.

*On The Subway*

I have to time for useless subway ticket officers and their stations. How are you gonna ensure that everything is cash only unless you want to pay by card for a $135 monthly pass?! And then have no ATMs anywhere in sight and not know where one can be found. Needless to say running around to find one made me miss my train on my perfectly Google mapped and planned route.

So I did what I always do when I don't know where I'm going and I'm lost - I got annoyed and upset and panicked thinking OMD I'm gonna miss my coach then have to buy a new coach ticket I'll never make it back home to Gatineau before Monday etc.

But this time - I'm on my own so I can't blame or take it out on whoever is with me (if you've ever been with me when this happens you know I do this). It was my responsibility. So for once, I'm relaxed. If I make it I make it, if I miss my coach so be it - ima be mad for a minute don't get my wrong- but I'll get over it because I have no choice, and I'll get home when I get home. Simple as.

If you haven't guessed already, I made it to the station sans problèmes.

Sitting on the coach home and I've decided, I take it back. Or rather let me readjust my statement.

Now that I've walked a bit through and am passing through the money section of down-town Tdot and the sun is out, it'd actually alright. That bus station could still use a spit shine though. Or maybe the rain really effects my perspective, on Friday down-town and Niagara may as well have been the underworld.

Toronto Read more

Friday 23 May 2014

Anonymous 17:37 0

Toronto in 3 days: Day 1 (pictures added later)

So I decided to be extra brave and go on a solo blow out to Toronto so I can see Niagara before I come back home (and face everybody cussing me asking what on earth I was doing instead of seeing one of Canada's most famous features). To make sure I came I booked tickets to see one of my favourite singers - Kim Walker - in concert in another part of Toronto. Lord knows I'm not about to be wasting no money. I don't know how my wifi situation will be and I didn't bring my laptop so I'll be writing most of this on my phone as and when it happens. So here I am and here I go:

Day 1

* (technically the night before) Ottawa Bus Station Cringe *

I HATE having to sleep in public - with a passion - because I choose to budget travel cross- country like the student I am. 4 hours at the station waiting for the 1am bus (there was a ticket mix up etc - not my fault though #letsbeclear) means passing the time by going to sleep across three chairs with only 3 people in the seating area with you... then waking up to find its rammout, unable to open one eye but clearly seeing through the other one that one of the people opposite you extra close range seeing you with your crusty 'I woke up like dis' face is a #spice (if you know, you know, if you don't, UrbanDic). In short, peak times.

* The Downtown Toronto Bus Station *

(Bearing in mind its grey and probs gonna rain) Am I on the wrong side of town or something? Toronto is ghetts man, straight ghett- to the - to. This is like the grimey end of Peckham or Penge or Moss Side.....

* Niagra Falls Town and Bus Station *

Everyone said this town was tacky, in the best and worst way... well we can all imagine what tacky looks like when you get it wet. So far Niagara is looking a hot mess in this rain smh...

I took a moment to silently list all the people (you lot KNOW who you are lol) who made me think coming here would be a good idea.

Can't even lie, the weather forecast on my phone gassed me up. Talking about 40% change of rain. In Outaouais no one is here for 40%. That might as well mean sunshine guaranteed. Even with 80% we still managed a heatwave. Toronto however, takes 40% as 400% definite. See me here shivering in leggings, crying inside because my bag is full of shorts, skirts, a dress and no tights. What. Is. My. Life.

According to the Niagra H.I. (Hostelling International) receptionist, there's gonna be fireowrks at the falls tonight so I might be that Brave New Girl (oh heeeey Mr. George! - private joke, hope he gets it) and go have a look-see.

* Dad's Diner *

An army of drenched adolescents are currently marching past the window while I sip my coffee. This weather has definitely flat-lined any of my #MissIndependentGirlWonder escapades for the minute. I'm all for seeing the falls but getting soaked to the bone - ain't nobody got time fo' that!

In other news. It may be crappy outside but as usual the food is on and poppin! North American breakfasts and their glorious portions are just excellent (they would almost take the crown if I didn't love Jamaican breakfasts so much....). This may also be why I might be bringing back a friend - an extra thick chin lol - when I come home in a couple of weeks. Who could eat this kind of breakfast daily?!

* General Positive Observation *

On the upside, Tdot is slyly an international #spice market (again, if you know...). Maybe even on the same level as Montreal. Well done.

Toronto Read more

Saturday 17 May 2014

Anonymous 01:31 0

Canadian Daytime TV and Supervising a school disco in Quebec {Part II}

If any of my fellow Quebec ELAs know about life and time well spent they will know about these two programs here:

In The Kitchen With Chef Pasquale

This guy is an actual legend. He is not here for all of these basic chefs when wearing his bright red pimped out king fisher toque. Pasquale is too busy making love to the camera with jokes for his imaginary audience and casually sliding into operatic power ballads while sautéing.

Introducing, my bae, Stefano Faita a.k.a my t.v. husband/imaginary ideal uomo italiano:

In The Kitchen With Stefano

His hairline is tragic but the culinary masterpieces he produces with his bare hands (not everyday Nigella sticking her fingers in cake batter) are just....He could put a ring on it any day.

There is no school on Monday, so these two Italian gentlemen will be filling my day while I handle business at home.

.....................................................................................................................................

M'kay, so since I hate leaving things half finished, let me fill you in on the rest of my experiences supervising a disco at my school a little while back. Starting with the rules for

Girls

You will only roll with one of two crews:

BLW (Big Little Women) - who's compulsory attire includes a long hemline, preferably something the swirls when you twirl, ballet shows kitten heels and a tiny pointless handbag you fill with errythang in your room for no reason; that is so full you can't find your snack money, and has enough stuff in it that you can look busy rummaging in it when you have nothing to do or no-one to talk to or dance with. No shade, but shade. And I can say that because I was one of those girls for a hot second until like year 9 LOL.

GG (Girl's Generation) - these chicks co-ordinate their outfits as hard as a Korean girl band. The look is always skinny jeans, and if the motive is pastel colours, everybody is sure to get the memo. The aim is for your jeans to be so tight, and fitted they can hold your entire life, no purse needed. So what if it takes you 5 minutes to wrestle your giant smart phone out of your stupidly tiny pocket. The fine print is:

If you didn't fight, and cry and struggle to get your jeans on....

And you won't require assistance to get you out of them later,
"You can't sit with us!"

Rolling to the party in your box-fresh patent gold hi-tops means you are officially Queen Bee...

If said "sneakers" also have multicoloured flashing lights you have rendered every other girl irrelevant, slaying the entire room.

If puberty has given you something to work with, break out that boob tube your mum may, or may not, have let you buy, and wear it with your favourite skin tone bra because you still believe the lie that that makes it invisible.

Sorry baby, this bra, does not carry the chameleon effect.

A dance floor is the perfect excuse for you to show off your cartwheels and backhand springs that you just learnt at cheer practice. Gone are the days of White Chicks style dance-offs it seems....

Today is the day you're allowed to wear makeup, even though you know jack about how to use it. You've been dying to use the little you have, especially that bright eye shadow that matches your "pants", the end result is something like this:

Snake, hairstyling, blending technique,
brush control and mascara ALL sold separately.

#SideNote

When you see said student, you try your hardest to keep a straight face and allow her to keep her confidence because she's pretty sure she looks good. And girls will LIE to their friends and let them look any kind of way when they leave. But that's all part of it, so let me un-crease and not upset the balance.

Dancing does however, have a time and place so make sure your skills are on point. For instance, when you win an mp3 player and you run up on stage. Then the DJs asks if you can shuffle, you better be ready when that track drops to have your shining moment:

And then, there was what happened to me:

Do NOT I repeat DO NOT, agree to man the snack table, that thing is a trap if you don't know what you're doing. It will lead to nothing. But. Trouble.

Exhibit A - when a whole bunch of students come your way and one tries to make eye contact with you so you can serve them. You don't know what half of these sweets are called in French, let alone how much they are on the price list, and everyone is shouting out their orders. Do a Prince George:

You look away, look down and get to looking hella-busy rearranging crisp packets.

Exhibit B - when loud music and shouting makes you re-realise the poor quality of the French you've managed to acquire. You are NOT equipped to manage a snack table in Quebec in any way, shape or form without orders being repeated and sign language being incorporated.

Your face when you try and desperately clutch at the fading memory of
whatever it was they said they wanted to buy....

Exhibit C - you chose languages, writing, humanities and left maths in the dust a long time ago. That part of your brain died a long time ago. So when students ask for a whole bunch of $0-2 items and hand you a penny, you struggle for a whole 5 mins to work out that change without getting out the phone calculator. Or worse, you forget the price of something so you assign your own, then discover (when you bother to ask the teacher on the snack table with you to go over the prices one last time), you overcharged 20 students by 75 cents. Adopt your mother's philosophy and never admit you're wrong and just pray they don't bring it up.