Chronically Awkward: Payday Vibes

Showing posts with label Payday Vibes. Show all posts

Monday, 16 May 2016

For The Homie Gillian

This blog goes out to Gill, my JSA adviser this year (shout out to the Eccles Job Centre!). On my first visit we sat down and spoke about our hobbies and dreams and how regardless of the mundane job we might end up in, we would still follow our passions. Both of us love to travel and write, and after catching up with her (and barely paying attention to the paperwork we were filling in), I promised her I would start blogging again. I even gave her my blogsite.

So Gill this one is for you!

No More Excuses Not to Blog

I've finally got home internet access, got my laptop fixed and have scheduled days off each week. So I can't put off blogging any longer really. I'm sure you've all been on the edge of your seats waiting for the latest updates on the riveting saga that is my life. Since I finished Uni almost a year ago now (yikes!) I'm sure you all want to hear about my corporate office exploits in my new job as I relentlessly achieve all of my career goals and climb the ladder to success.

Come again?

Or. For those of you that were paying attention. You're still asking yourself....did he just say, Job Centre? How could that possibly be true? I mean, everyone knows you graduate in a flurry of final exams and intern-ship applications in the desperate hope of being pulled into some sort of corporate scheme, recruitment position or other basic high paid office job. Or in true languages student fashion jump on a plane to go and teach English somewhere or join a foreign company on the other side of the world...

On behalf of all graduates, may I say:

So that begs the question...

What Have I Been Doing All This Time?

If anyone was to tell me back when I was in second year of uni that after I graduated I'd spend the next 6 months of my life living in Manchester as an unemployed graduate I'd have looked at them like:

With any one of the following defences:

Wait, what?
Excuse me?
Do you not KNOW me?
Do you know what grades I'm likely to graduate with?
I plan to go to [insert country] and [insert another country] and do [insert 2-3 career options] so that can't be right!

But sadly, as many of us can tell you (and how many graduates had to tell me), that just ain't how post-uni life works out. I fell into the typical trap, knowing myself a little better - but not fully. And knowing exactly what I don't want to do with the rest of my life. Absolutely nothing fell nicely into place. But luckily for me, I have an excellent support network at home in London (my fambam) and in Manchester (my VO church fam). So I still ended up with a roof over my head (thanks to a wonderful family and some dear friends), a room of my own and a full fridge (most of the time, big up mummy & daddy!). As you can imagine. 6 months of unemployment was spent in the most productive way possible. Keeping active, painstakingly crafting cover letters, CVs and application forms...you know the usual.

I won't say how often this ended up being me....or for how long....if you know, you know.

I went down the obvious routes of soul searching and self evaluation, coming up with squat most of the time, in the initial stages at least. But thank God for prayer, that kept me sane and helped me find my way. First - accepting that I was going to stay in Manchester, and second that I would throw myself into all my voluntary and extracurriculars, working or not. Spoiler Alert I do end up employed and standing on my own two feet at the end of the story fear not. Which brings me to:

What I'm Doing This Year

Volunteer work wise I'm a part-time ESOL and 1 to 1 teacher offering English language support at a community school. Basically I'm using the teaching skills I got via my languages degree to teach English to non-natives and my phonetics etc understanding to offer dyslexia/literacy support. Plot Twist this time its not babies, children, teens or students, its adults- specifically parents, more so mothers. And their babies. So its interesting and rewarding as you would expect. So long as I'm teaching and helping people and there's cultural exchange I'm calm really.

I've also gotten more involved as a Youth Leader via Church. It was never something I realised I wanted or actively pursued, considering I started a year or so ago, until now. The closer I got to finishing my degree the more I made myself available to work with young girls (now from ages 11 up to 16) and just build relationships with them. Tbh after my year abroad placements I wasn't even trying to hear about working with young people again. All them hormones, cliques, identity crises and tantrums. No gracias. Makes me remember why I never what to be a teenager again (hormones lowkey send you crazy, scramble your moral compass and chemically imbalance you, sabotaging all emotions and rational thought). But here I am again. And I slyly love it, and I love my girls, and the team I work with.

Ya girl also got herself a job. As a waitress. In a Spanish restaurant. In the bougie part of Manchester central. Obviously this is not the life goal, by no means the end game. But after 6 months of no Spanish I'm practising everyday and have wound up in a 60% Spanish speaking environment so I practise everyday. Linguistically, I'm in my happy place. The staff I work with speak English, Spanish, Portuguese, Polish and French, and I'm down to learn as much as I can. Another bonus, with the hours I'm doing I can still do my ESOL/Literacy Support work and my youth work, and just about have a life. For anyone still not satisfied with that I'm also on another voluntary scheme that should open up some doors for me...but I'm keeping it on the DL until I complete it.

So lets all just celebrate the comeback from the gif reality of my life a couple months ago shall we?

So, Where Is Miss Independent Living Now?

At the end of March this year, after finally starting to get myself together, I was able to move out and become queen of my own castle! Kind of. Well, there are a few more queens in this castle as I moved in with friends. I haven't lived in an all girl house in a while but hey, I know and love them all, and so long as you live in a like-minded house its all gravy. Added bonus: it's an all Caribbean house so you know its LIT! I haven't been able to have Saturday [read Sat-deh] soup, fried dumplin, ackee, jerk, rice and peas cooked all under one roof since moving out of my parents' house. Our seasoning cupboard alone is goals. That was relegated to one box in the back of my cupboards in most of the other places I've lived. What's more we all share mutual friends, go to the same church,have similar extracurricular commitments and are down to go and hang out together. Translation = it ain't hard to get the squad into formation when we find a motive.

But don't get it twisted. We, well mostly me, are still adjusting to life without a safety net [read student finance/mum&dad]. All this adulting business is awful really. My first paycheck I could have cried. I was so happy I couldn't believe I'd earned that much on my own, only to see it disappear within a week and then have 3 weeks left to rub my precious pennies together. Like I said, I could have cried. Don't forget though, I said I have a great support network so we're taken care of in some aspects. The rest, well we're just working it out, while our bank accounts adjust to the strain of real live living (when you want to travel, drop dollar in Zara/Mango/DorothyP, learn to drive, shop at Waitrose and not Aldi - all while opting out of paying council tax or water bills).

All in all I'm glad I'm supporting myself and doing life with other people. My room is small, all bed and wardrobe and all mine. I officially work for and own a part of something. And I don't take such a huge blessing lightly. I could have gone home and taken the easy way out. But I'm out here building (albeit with an unknown plan) a life. A life I love. So I'm doing better than I. and maybe some others, expected.

What Am I Committing To?

Writing.

A while back I posted this:

Biggest goal this year - write, and never stop.

A photo posted by MónicaMarshánna (@marshanna2212) on Jan 15, 2016 at 2:32pm PST

17 likes, which with my followers numbers means that like, my entire social world has seen this, ha. So I'm now in a binding agreement with social media to fulfil this commitment. Hence this post. Moral of the story - don't sweat not knowing what you want to do with your life, having to start over, and never let your passions die. And never fear, yours truly is still destined for greatness and all that. I'm sure I'm not the first late bloomer with a Masters (cringe), so I'll end up where I need to be. All in all I just want to be my happy. I just want to sing, travel, speak languages, eat food and write.

The Mockery That Is My Life Read more

Monday, 17 March 2014

Anonymous 12:00 0

Cuba, que linda es Cuba....Oh, yeah....hi Quebec

OK. It's been more than a while since my last post. That is down to three reasons:

I went to Cuba
I wish I was still in Cuba
I came back to work in Canada. And Canada is not Cuba. Not even a little bit.

Me every time I'm alone and think about what I could be
doing in Havana right now...... *sigh*

Today ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, I'm gonna level with you about this job, this country, and what the heck I'm gonna do with myself when I leave here. Don't worry, it won't be too too bleak, and of course I'll pad it out with anecdotes of the ridiculous things going on at school as per usual.

I've said this to Gwynne before but, if all you can do is pray for #HalfDayThursday and #PayDayFriday to get you through your job, you must not like it right? I mean. I like my school and working with my groups etc but I could never go so far as to say this is my passion. It feels weird to admit that I'm amongst the majority (I imagine) of ELAs out here who are doing these placements but actually have no intention of becoming teachers. My whole adolescent life people have been telling me I should be/would make a good teacher. And obviously, typical girl, I thought - puh-lease *neck roll* I am not doing that - but at every chance I got (aka my first year abroad), that's what I did. And I loved it. But I tell you this now. Primary school, ain't happening in my future. I can't, don't and won't see it. Unless God Almighty picks me up and dashes me in that playground, you won't see me there unless I'm picking up my (as yet unborn) children.

If I'm gonna teach kids I want them either fresh out the womb in kindergarten (nursery isn't even specific enough, 4 years and under) or old enough that I can dash them out of my class at a moment's (sp?) notice or I can speak to them on a level. One thing I can't get over though is how ridiculously exhausting teaching is. Like what is this?! I don't even work full time, luckily I get Fridays off and don't have a rammout timetable. How can these people even come into work every day still upright and smile when most days I'm in a constant state of:

until at least 10am (following an 8am start) is beyond me. The amount of patience required, and creativity - my DAYS the amount of worksheets and game and exercises I have to create for these fickle, short attention spanned kids is crazy - is not serious. If you thought Simon Cowell was tough to please and keep entertained try 6-12 year olds.

I'm telling you there is nothing worse than putting blood, sweat and tears into some elaborate worksheet or song or activity you are convinced they are gonna love and a child, or even a whole group of them has the audacity to stone face you like:

especially when you were asked to make those sheets for them (no, I'm still not over it in case you couldn't tell). It's just a joke, tbh.

Did I get out of bed for this? Did I, in the words of J.A.R traverser l'Atlantique for them to give me this response really? To be asked why they have to continue reading a book the whole class was set for the entire term to basically teach them all how to read/improve their reading in English and how to pick up their two hands and use a bilingual dictionary - the key to learning any language really.

#SideNote

In case you didn't know guys, the generation following ours/mine is fully and completely wack. This is the fallout from the touchscreen/internet era:

Unless it comes on a screen with a keypad, they don't know how to use it.
It took me weeks, months even, to establish that there are TWO A-Zs in ONE dictionary in TWO languages, and that if you don't know the word in my language (English) you look for it in yours, the one language you do know perfectly (French).
The act of flicking pages and searching for a word - which is usually right in front of them FYI - seems to send these lazy kids into some next bouts of fake depression.

Mate, bring back the cane or call SuperNanny or do something, this isn't a good look. The next generation is slaaaackin.

Unfortunately, at 23 years old and my extra long 6 year diversion at uni winding to a close, all the adults around me are starting to ask what I actually plan on doing with my life. I can only run away to so many countries before I have to find out the answer myself.....

Doesn't everybody know I've been making
this up as I go along for the past 8 years??

Don't worry though, I'm not saying that these past 6+ months of teaching have completely burnt me out or anything. I'm not showing up to work drunk, sleepy (apart from that one nap I had in the reading corner during break time...) or post-psychotic break telling myself over and over:

Rest assured if it was that deep I'd just go home....Actually, wait, no. That's a lie. My parents don't have money to waste flying me here there and everywhere, and I just plain don't have money - not grownup money anyway - for anything like that. So love it or hate it I'm staying. Thankfully, however, I know I'm here for a reason, so Ima learn whatever it is I'm here to learn then take that on home back to England and carry on with life.

Speaking of life, me and Gwynne's convos have been heading in one sole direction recently. We. Miss. Uni.

I never thought I would see the day.

I miss libraries; studying, being buried under piles of glorious, funky, old, crusty books. I miss fighting for computer spaces and laptop plug spots and then overtaking them for ridiculous periods of time. I miss researching for essays and - in my case - almost failing to turn them in. My days I miss lectures and knowledge [I know, I've gone off the deep end into full geek mode]. I miss rolling out of bed (and bathing obviously) and rolling into lectures with glasses, tracksuit and uggs (THAT'S RIGHT I'M THAT GIRL) and then giving side eye to/cutting my eye at all the girls coming in with a beat face, handbag and Zara runway clothes. I miss riding my bike around campus, hanging out with only students (with 4 uni's in one city Manchester is a student haven), in name brand and independent coffee shops. I miss halls, I miss having my whole life in one room. I miss G.A.N.G (the youth/student ministry of the church I go to in Manch - shout out to V.O.M =P ). Ugh. Give me all of it. Right now.

Of course though, I miss my family and friends more than anything. I miss my family's cooking, jokes, music. Everything about them, all the days we spend together - Chicken Fridays at Grandma's and Sunday Dinners at my house, BBQ's, sleepovers at friends. The lot. But soon come, innit. 2 and a bit months to go people!

Things I heard at school:

There is nothing more cringey than when a teacher, parent, guardian, relative, just the person one or several levels up from your generation says something along the lines of "I've had the pleasure of watching you grown into a young woman/man" .One poor girl had the pleasure of having that line delivered in front of the whole class because it was her last day (please note, my girl was not sad in any way to be leaving after 5 years with the same peeps....mmmmhmm). Who has not told these people about how weird that can sound? Watching someone grow up - I know no harm is intended but still. At the very least, it's proper embarrassing. Say anything. But that. Please and thank you. All younger generations.

Sitting with some of my grade 6 kids and they're telling me how their parents let them watch Supernatural (my guy has seen seasons 2-8, and that show is deep, not no kiddie show), Chuckie and all these next horror show things. Not to be rude, parent how you want etc but at the same time....where are your parents at fam? Obviously when you reach secondary school age your parents have less control over what you see and hear etc but in primary school, my parents weren't having a bar. Iunno, maybe it's just me. Under 13, you don't watch nothing higher than a 12. But okay then.

So, before I went to Cuba, I got me some box braids done (couldn't have my hair sweating out in the heat then breaking off when I returned to the cold). And I figured, between me and the other, what, black girls in the whole school, showing up with braids one day (which most of them wear a lot of the time) wouldn't be a big deal. Wrong.com. I hate the way children stare I do. I had to remind myself I was 23, can do what I want and it doesn't matter what hundreds of beady eyes think. Times like this I miss London where no-one bats an eyelid at hairstyles anymore.... Anyway, I had it from all sides, students and teachers. In the staffroom, saying it looks so cute, beautiful, picking up my braids and saying my God, isn't that heavy? and it took how long to get done?!. Grade 5 and 6 are the worst I swear. Put it in a high bun - why is your hair like that? (for one, what kind of question is that, as if I put no thought into it whatsoever or did it just so I could explain it to you...), it makes you look like you have two heads or one really big one (these times you just have to breathe and remember cussing out children who don't know any better is wrong, you will lose your job and be deported back home or something). On a side note, one of my grade 5 girls who obviously knows about life said it was vraiment cool even though she had obviously never seen anything like it. Students went to the other teacher and asked her, before being forced to ask me, if it was a wig. SWEAR DOWN. I had to have like 5 minutes of question time including demonstrating how to braid braids, plus explain why I got them, why I got black and not blue ones, and why I'm keeping them. Please, and they act like I'm the one from another planet. How much do these children not pay attention/not find common sense answers to their ridiculous questions.

Finally, there is lice at my school. The equivalent of the plague as far as education is concerned. So all my cute kids need to back it on up and not touch me for a few weeks. I'm already eye-balling the one's that have come in with a fresh haircut this week. I even forgot about it when one of my favourites hugged me in the hallway. Since then I've had nightmarish thoughts of those evil little demon parasites climbing up my braids like a long synthetic ladder....gotta figure out a way to duck her for a while.....Nowhere is safe and I'm not about to take out my braids, shave my head and go natural because of these children. No ma'am.

Last order of business. Can we talk about this weather for just a second! I do not understand the current state of Canada right now. Specifically Quebec because that's where I am right now.

MATE.

It is supposed to be springtime. How are we stillll ducking in and out of the -10s and -20s?! What foolishness is this???? How can the sun be blinding me all day long and yet it snows all night, afternoon and evening? Why must winter insist on topping up the snow levels. As if we're gonna run out of what's already here anyway. I imagine this was winter's reaction when everyone started going on about the "first day of spring" and the end to this freezer box of a country:

Spring has sprung, yeah?

I officially can't with this weather. As far as I can see, spring is dead or M.I.A. so I suggest we all pad up, order in takeaway/groceries and go to sleep until summer gets here. It works for bears and they don't seem like they're gonna be dying out any time soon so, goodnight ladies and gentlemen.

Oh wait.

Work this week. Yeah....nice.

Things I heard at school Read more

Friday, 21 February 2014

Anonymous 23:58 0

So today is payday.....

And as I'm sure anyone who gets paid weekly/fortnightly will understand, the first day that money reaches your account (read, pocket) you feel stank rich and stupid.

As I like to say (I said it once in front of people who liked it, so now I'm making it a thing):

It's payday. EVERYTHING is feasible.

I haven't had a steady paying job since 2nd year when I waitressed on the side and nearly died of exhaustion from those ridiculous shifts. But the money cushioned the blow of my lack of 1st year bursaries. So, after 3rd and 4th year spent having no money of my own to invest in (read, blow on) my desperate and foolish love of clothes, shoes and shiny things - at times things I actually need, like an external hard drive [which may or may not also be shiny] - now I find it hard not to lose my senses once every two weeks.

The way I see it is....

This is the bank and my employers: