The 5 Stages of Unemployment

Me, pretty much all of 2016:

For anyone still wondering what happened to my writing mojo and where I've been; or for those who randomly just stumbled across my forgotten blog, the above is my 2016 life personified in a single GIF. But it took me a while to get to that point. And the lessons learnt at the end of my 2016 into 2017 experience is what I like to call, The 5 Stages of Unemployment.

Disclaimer: Just like it took plenty of research, experience and evaluation to come up with the 5 stages of grief. I give you the 5 stages of employment - based on the research, experience and evaluation of me, myself and I - don’t @ me.

Stage 1 - The Emancipation

Fairly self explanatory, but basically you are happy about any of the below coming (back) into your life:

• Time - to travel, see family, pursue hobbies

• Freedom - from structure, education, exams, horrible colleagues/bosses

• Identity - no need to be stuck in a role/doing work that’s just not who you are

• Independence - you don’t answer to anybody, you are grown and can do what you want

And you take it upon yourself to celebrate your new found freedom accordingly. No curfew/end date given. You life this out with time limit TBC.

Stage 2 - Embracing the NapLife aka the Vicious Sleep Cycle

With the return of free time and independence (and possibly hindered by lack of identity) you will very easily fall into the habit of sleeping when you want, for however long you want. Staying up until 5am because - you ain’t got work in the morning. So you can sleepover, stay out late, wake up at 10 and stay home for the gas/electric/repair/deliver man (this may or may not have been my role as the ambitionless housemate) while everyone else is out living real life.

That’s normal. Especially if you’re not disciplined enough to keep your early wake -ups and scheduled bedtimes going. But the moment you start taking 1 2 3 4 5 hour naps in the middle of the day because you really ain’t got nothing else to do. Girl/Boy, beware. Welcome to dangerous territory. When you start and finish your day in the same dressing gown and PJs, more than once in a week...you’re far gone.

Check your calendar, if this is you and it’s summer, this isn’t even due to seasonal depression, you just officially have nothing better to do. Break the cycle and get out of the house immediately.

Stage 3 - Slinging Your Skills On the Corner

Eventually all proud shiny brand new graduates learn the same lesson - your grades don’t matter, experience matters. No experience, no job. Unless of course you enjoy recruitment, sales, marketing, customer service - which pretty much nobody ever really studies for but all hiring companies fish in the graduate pond.

Out of sheer boredom/desperation during the job-hunt process (also known as the fight for sanity/will to live), you could very well end up selling/giving away your skills to any and everyone that might have need of it. No matter how big, small, tedious or worthwhile the job. You end up feeling like your degree is some fake Rolex you’re trying to pawn off on the street. Nobody’s buying.

When everyone starts to ask questions on the spectrum of How’s the job hunt going - What are you doing with yourself life now? You will inevitably start giving excuses denying the fact that you’re busy doing nothing and your professional life is on pause rather than stuck. Because anything, even a lie, sounds better than the truth. Why? Because when you ask yourself if everyone else from your generation is more successful than you and making it happen? The answer/reality you're stuck with is yes. Yes they are. And ain't nobody got time to accept that.

Stage 4 - Crisis of Self Worth aka Rock Bottom

Don’t let the name scare you, this is as bad as it gets. So take comfort in that. The only way is up from here. If you have one of those unique, highly prized degrees that in actuality nobody wants/only fits in max 3 pigeon holes that you don’t want, you begin to question everything. You also begin to question, and severely dislike yourself and your life - which is at this point personified by stage 2 and/or 3. It’s very likely that you will try to hide this. Meaning that you will lie. To everyone.

But these times when you're at home by yourself:

Stage 5 - Epiphany of Self Worth aka Turning Point

When you’re at breaking point, something will happen. There will literally be a “the sun will come out, tomorrow” moment. Whether that’s from close friends or family encouraging you, someone finally offering you a helping hand, a job interview finally going your way, God letting you know #ItsNotOver and you feel encouraged to keep going. Somehow, someway, at some point, you decide to pick yourself up and it triggers the ultimate comeback. That doesn't always have to be a new job. It's really just being able to see yourself in a positive light again and throwing out all the rejection (emails) you’ve been holding on to.

So just remember, even though you may not have it all together, you may still be waiting on that job, don't let that define or hinder the way you see yourself.

You still a boss.