Season's greetings everybody! The holidays hiatus is over so it's time for a massive update....
Currently I am sitting in my older cousin's bed in her old room in New Jersey, watching Halle Berry in her most ghetto old school role I'm guessing she pretends she was never a part of...looks like she even had her original nose...or something close to it....
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| LET US TAKE A MOMENT OF SILENCE...for several things in this photo right here: THEM 90's WEAVES! Curls were necessary! Halle's EYEBROWS. This lip liner extravaganza. Oh, the days when you could leave your house like this.... And. Of course. Those gold teeth! Someone please, at Halle's next birthday, bring this movie moment to the surface! #StartedFromTheBottom |
Right, back to it! I obviously need to fill you lot in on everything that's been going on over the Christmas break before I lose the will to do it. FYI this will not be in chronological order and there will be plenty of GIFS and photos involved in order to express what I'm too lazy to put into words. First up....
The perpetual disappointment that is NYE
NYE as far as I am concerned, is 75% likely to be a waste of time, because it is never what I expect (read want) it to be.
Most of the time
a) I'm stuck at a family thing with family I don't know, with a massive age gap problem
b) out at a rave/club that has turned sour with everybody drunk/arguing/crying and me tired and wanting to go home
c) At home, alone, or with mum, or one other person doing absolutely nothing, wishing I was in situation a) or b) ending up going to bed after midnight.
The most fun I've ever had was at a group sleepover with my Cator girls from school, because none of us were old enough or rich enough to have lives lol.
This year I talked up big NYC plans of either going to church, meeting up with friends/other ELAs....buuuut I didn't actually organise anything. Besides buying a dress [7$ thrift shop buy, Zara collection, #justsayin]. In the end I went to a party I knew nothing about with my aunt and uncle because I figured, let me dress up and do something with my life. My aunt warned me it would be an old folks party. She wasn't lying. Everyone there was either 30+ or their -16 children.
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| My face as I took in the scene. |
Nice.
At the very least it was a Jamaican party so there were two things guaranteed: familiar dancehall/soca/reggae songs that I grew up with, and food provided on the night.
Now, you should all know by now that I love food. And that since living in Canada I have been deprived of Caribbean cuisine.... Lahd ah Gahd! THE FOOD AT THIS PARTY WENT INNNNN!!!! Everything I had ever dreamt of was there!
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| [Insert food names here] Curry goat. Curry chicken. Fried chicken. Jerk. Patties.Fritters. Plantain. |
However, there were also some casualties. There was no one there my age, not a soul. Everyone was my elder so when certain dancehall tunes came on I made sure my behind was glued to my seat so I didn't end up in any awkward situations - gone are my 18-21 y.o. days of being twissup in the centre of the rave/houseparty dance floor with suspect individuals lol. This was not 100% effective, I was out with my aunt and uncle, so I had to shake a leg a little and be sociable.
Cut to me being cornered by the only two single breddahs in the joint who don't care that they could both easily be my father and are only looking my way as it's likely they aren't doing anything illegal by pursuing me. PEAK TIMES FOR MONIQUE. There was no upside to this situation. None. There never is. In the words of my girl Grace when these Uncle types approach young girls:
After that I was practically nailed to my chair. But when I was once again dragged up to dance to some recognisable 90's bass line. Thank God for the 2 step. Oh wait, I spoke to soon. I had forgotten about how in the middle of his (pre-sex trial) stagnant career R.Kelly released a Chicago stepping music album. A party favourite. Cut to me being trapped 2-stepping for the next 4 songs.
But do you know what, I was with a bunch of happy people, got to dance with my family at midnight, with a sparkly hat on and left at a decent time (safe Auntie Jackie!). So all in all it could have been a lot worse and I was with my family, in a different country, living the good life from one year into the next. Can't complain now can I?
One of the biggest life lessons I learnt since moving to Quebec (I can't do accents on this program, allow me) last year, and what I will be applying to 2014 is the #SayYesToEverything policy. That's how I've ended up doing half of the crazy things I've done this year:
- Going apple picking
- Going on ridiculous weekend adventures to Montreal, QC and NYC
- Watching poetry be put into music and song at the Ottawa National Arts Centre + backstage tour - for free
- Seeing a brilliant artist called Arianne perform live at an intimate gig in the secret cultural hotspot that is St. Andre
- Going to what was basically the funniest OAP disco in La Chute and supervising an equally hilarious high school disco
- Eating elk and moose
- Going to zumba class and finally breaking the ice with my teachers outside of school
- Spending an amazing Christmas with, up until now, a bunch of random kids from across the UK that I didn't know too well....
A 'seriously better than I ever could have expected' ELA Christmas
Let me be honest. I was expecting the worst and prepared for complete disaster this whole trip. Besides the LBG I hadn't spent time with the whole ELA batch (well the 16 of us that were staying together for Christmas) since either interview day - when let's face it, we all saw each other as competition while in KillBill dress2impress mode - or briefing day - when we were all just plain relieved that we'd all made it but it hadn't sunk in we were really going anywhere. I can't even mention Montreal and QC training days because those times we were only together for workshops and meetings, I never ventured for nights out tbh (forever a granny in training lol) so I basically just formed irregular first impressions of people.
All I knew was it was gonna be 6 boys and 10 girls for a whole week so naturally I assumed:
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| Catty arguments from having so many (10) girls in one place for a week. |
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| Innumerable cringeworthy awkward hook-ups proving that boys and girls can't be friends /are just carnal 'love the one you're with' animals. |
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| How people are gonna leave the chalet after "cleaning" it. |
Of course it wasn't a complete bed of roses but be real, we were basically in a mini, wood carved Big Brother House situation and going from my cosy little duplex flatmate life to living with 15 other people, even for a week, we aren't all the same. And I, obviously proud granny that I am, had my moments lol:
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| Me every time music I didn't like was played for too long or if I didn't want to do what everyone else was doing... |
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| When the volume was up too loud and I wanted to sleep /my non-driving self was left at home and the only thing to do was clean the 'morning after the night before' carnage ...because I'm a grandma like that.... |
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| How I felt at the possibility of having to pay for damages to the chalet I'm sure (not really, but still) I didn't cause. But probably will have to....peak... |
Ups and downs aside, it was actually one of the best memories I'll have of my time in Quebec, of Christmas and as a student. None of us were able to go home to our families so we pulled together and made our own surrogate patchwork one.
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In case you think we weren't
really about that onesie life lol.
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These lovely people helped me celebrate my 23rd birthday (complete with balloons and 3 bday cakes). I even had a resident bday twin (Leanne) considering my usual (my cousin Jacob) wasn't with me, and we kicked things off by dancing in our matching baby onesies and playing the most epic game of HeadsUp I have ever experienced!
And on Christmas Day I can't even lie. I thought it was all gonna be a hot mess. I was on Turkey team with Dan and Sweetman (Amy) and I was scared. If you eat meat, you know if the bird isn't right the whole dinner is a wrap!
The vegetarians had me scared after they had everything assigned, and a nut roast - made entirely from scratch - made the day before. Everyone else had stuff done on the day and the only plan we had (courtesty of one, Delia Smith) was slather that bird in butter,stuff it and wrap it in bacon. And do you know what. I have never been prouder of a meal I've made. With the assistance of several others lol. Dave even took over and made a wicked gravy. We had a full spread, Christmas crackers, games, songs (as Sam and Dave are both musicians and we can all hold a tune lol). I couldn't be happier. We also got the whole day to an amazing start by watching the sunrise and having a Secret Santa gift exchange.
The biggest obstacle on Christmas Day was Skype. The one thing that actually almost prevented us from seeing the people we love and miss most - our families. The internet decided to have heart palpitations that day or something having us walking all over the place with phones and laptops trying to get signal and more than 5 seconds of video. Thankfully, I managed to get my parents and mum's side of the fam who were at my house, my uncle in America and my dad's side of the family at my auntie's house. So I covered all of the bases. The one downside to Skyping family and opening presents from them when they weren't actually with us. We cried. Not all of us, but a significant number. Between phone calls and face time you'd think we were in prison/hadn't seen them in 4 years rather than four months. So, I kinda killed the vibe when my parents waved bye on the screen, couldn't hold it together....
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| My face on skype with my family. [P.S. what a wonderful God we serve! As beautiful as KimK is, her cryface is this masterpiece! +100 points for my self-esteem lol ] |
Tears aside, this is what I will take away from that week:
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| Some of my ELA family (yes, I have decided to name us that now) on Christmas Day after throwin' down in the kitchen! |
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| The body count from playing Sophie's Murder Game - Which I won! Just like LL Cool J in Deep Blue Sea, the black person doesn't always die first! |
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| Our improvised Christmas grotto where presents were left under the (suspiciously tropical looking) 'tree'. |
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| My family weren't with me but I stuck to the 'fix up on Christmas Day' tradition #TurntUp #SuckThatGut |
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| Got that Miley Cyrus syndrome. Red lipstick convinces you you look good and can get away with anything lol. |
Best of 2013 & yet to come in 2014
As I'm not North American, I don't celebrate Thanksgiving (a.k.a when the colonists turned on the Native Americans and robbed/infected everything...while the pilgrims were also there...) so my bday, Christmas and New Years is when I take the time to give thanks. For my life, my family, my faith, my friends. So, let me take a minute to say how thankful I am that I'm stuck out here with these lovelies when I could have been with any number of dry/crazy people... I seem to have ended up in an unhealthy, co-dependent friendship situation with these particular individuals -who tolerate my overuse of the words babes, peak, shame etc. and my London accent- and it has yet to prove uneventful, which I am so grateful for. At the same time, I am now incapable of spending time by myself at home for long periods of time. Peak times for me.
So, here they are:
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| The LBG -1. Looking like an ad in a Littlewoods catalogue. |
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| My constant supply of LOLs and mares (the abbreviations/hashtags queen) Leanne |
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| #TheRoommate (well, flatmate but still <3 ) |
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| Man like Joey Riffz (he said no cameras) |
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| Gwynne, my parter in shade....HelloDolly/WhyDidIGetMarried? /WaitingToExhale references... and much of everything else right now.... THAT'S RIGHT IMAHN! #HappyBeingHisSideChick |
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| The babes, Aimee we enjoy staying at home, eating things we shouldn't, wearing dark colours and smelling things with Gwynne. |
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| We are now single & group selfie professionals when it comes to Leanne's phone. |
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| Who needs Friends when you can have Colocs... ok the show title needs work.... |
I'm currently ending my second week of the Christmas Break visiting family in New Jersey. Updates will follow next week, but for now how about one of my lovely awkward selfies. Bet you've missed these.
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| Duck face on lock at the NY Giants football game. |
Anyways, that's it for now so....
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| Happy New Year Babes! |
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