Friday 28 February 2014

Anonymous 04:37 0

1 Week Break. It's about that time.

Today was just stressful. Long winded and bleak.

Basically:

My grade 5 & 6's hate my worksheets (the ones I was instructed to make) so now we have to scrap the other ones I've done to make them more "fun" and mix it up.
I have to do grammar worksheets for all my groups no instead of music activities because apparently my students aren't being stretched.
I need to do more oral comprehension to check my students' understanding of the book they're doing (they all failed the exam - which I was asked to write #shade - and it stands to logic I haven't been stretching them enough, checking they really understand what they've read - they all swore they got it and didn't need to go over it).
Everything I've been doing needs to be re-evaluated.

Obviously I'm exaggerating slightly (and to be clear, I do mean slightly) but I've had enough.

Enough of 8am starts, of primary school and primary school children.

Enough repeating myself, enough half days spent slumped at a computer desperately getting prep work done.

Enough of adulthood and full time work (says the girl with a 3 day weekend).

All I want is to be enjoying my 20s, running around travelling (not working) like some gap-life trust fund baby trying to "find myself" lol.

I was ready to snap from the boredom and stress of the same thing.

Spring Break came just in time.

Gwynne's visiting.

Cuba on Saturday.

Joe & Aimee are driving me to the airport.

Current mood:

It's my day!

ELA Read more

Saturday 22 February 2014

Anonymous 14:00 0

LATE Updates: extended cheat days, Robocop [spoilers] and more

It finally happened, as we all - let's be honest - suspected it would.

My life has become the ^ above ^ .

Let me explain myself.

Before all of you lot get excited, some of you are on the couch right there with me, munching on something when you should be working it out for that summer boday/ #NewYearNewMe life change. But come on!

it's hard!

Commitment isn't easy when there's nothing but sugar pie, ice-cream, haribo, galaxy and pizza surrounding you (courtesy of your cousin visiting you from England and bringing you the goods/giving you the excuse to treat you both). And since she's been here the at home work outs have been dormant. Sorry PumpUp app, I know this has destroyed my weekly average now >.< .

In short. My cheat day, turned into a cheat week....and I have to be careful it doesn't snowball into a cheat life.

HOWEVER. The conspiracy does not end there. Since my supply teacher blissful workload vacation is over and I'm back to the activity planning grind etc - with the worksheets, vocab lists and all that - I haven't been able to go to Teacher's Zumba Club. Like I'm swamped with work. Can't even lie, the one time I changed into my workout gear and ran to our usual spot...tumbleweeds....and silent tears....No. One. Came. So I did what I could. Thursday we bumped into eachother in the hallway and confessed we were all ridiculously busy and will get back on it this Monday. We shall see. That's all Ima say.

My cousin cannot say I don't love her. In spite of the fact that I dragged her inexperienced behind around a skating rink, putting both our lives at risk, and almost had us left for dead in the snowy tundra that is St. Andre-Avelin when we went snow-shoeing. When she said she was up for the cinema and wanted to see the English version of Robocop, I did my non-driving duty. I navigated us through a 2 and a half hour journey from Buckinghamm to Hull (google that mess and see about life!) all in search of said version. Half the time I didn't know what i was doing, or if we would make it there and back alive. Don't worry I told her so everytime by some miracle (THANK you Jesus) each step of the journey was a success. Even when we made it 3/4 of the way back in the dark and I thought we were gonna have to sleep in a frosty bus shelter till the next bus came - I was wrong. All-in-all we spent about hours out of the house. Only 3 were spent in the cinema looool.

*SPOILERS*

How was Robocop? I give it a 7/10. It was sick. And I don't even really do action films when there's no romance plot or something else to counteract all that violence. But it had other elements, like, with every robot film - ethics, humanity, sacredness of life etc and even I guess to an extent euthanasia were brought into question. There were some eyebrow raising moments too though. And I'm sorry but this is where my America being the root of all war problems conspiracy shines through. Opening scene is robot drones and soldiers "liberating" Tehran. Obviously taking people out of their homes, with their hands up while giant robots roam the streets is not liberation. And OFC there is a suicide bomb attack, and the robot accidentally kills a young boy who ran out to defend his bomber father. This never gets addressed in the film. I'm just saying. Another one is the money side of the US, where billion dollar tycoons and politicians gamble away human life for the sake of a profit, bend the law and manipulate Robocop's humanity.

There was also a lot of gun violence and gore, and of course a few curse words. So why, may I ask were there under 10's in the audience? All these idiot parents brought their kids to see this and didn't even cover their eyes. Guns and stuff, ok if your kid owns video games that's nothing new but during sexytime scenes, when the boy gets killed and when Robocop's real body...or lack thereof....is shown. It's not kid friendly. Don't worry, Sam Jackson drove that point home when right at the end of the film in the last scene he let some strong F-bombs fly and every parent in the room just clenched. There was no way to un-hear it or stop it. So next time, just get a damn babysitter.

'Happy Teacher's Week
You're the best!'

As much as I love to complain about my school and how some of the staff seem to treat me. That school knows how to treat teachers. I'm just saying. So, last week as I said before in an earlier post was Teacher's Week - I didn't even know that existed. So I got hugs, kisses and ~~insincere~~ ~~forced~~ adoration from my students. It also meant we got treated to a free lunch:

Brownie bites, oatmeal bites, salad wraps, pasta, flavoured water.
My school is serious about this healthy lifestyle thing.....

Annnnnnnnnnnnd I even got a certificate from the school council for invaluable school service - we all did but still. I'm officially legit, a valued member of the school, whether the other teachers like me or not so HA!

Also, there was winter fun day at school which meant - grades 3-6 were gone for the day (hallelu!). Ofc one of the staff members also runs a strawberry farm/sugar shack so she rolled up in the playground and we all rolled hot maple syrup up on the snow with lolly sticks over last period:

After the first stick the sugar high is euphoric.

After the second you wanna be sick.

After the third you feel high again,
then it all comes crashing down, then
up almost bringing that sugary vomit forth.

And then there was Valentine's Day. Considering this is usually a 'dry as toast' holiday for me unless I'm with my ladies back home [VDay Massacre - ice-cream, pizza and criticism of chick flicks] the school VDay committee - ofc they have one, duh! - took care of the teachers, making the staff feel loved:

From the 6th to the 13th of February there will be little
treats provided by the VDay committee. Help yourselves <3.

Highlights included:

Fudge brownie bites.
Mini cherry oat cakes.
Moist, delicious banana cake slices
Chocolate covered almonds.
Dark chocolate covered fruit drops.

This week I've decided not to expose my kids and the ridiculous things they say sometimes, but I'll instead expose my classroom. Let's have a look see at some standout books I've found in the library shall we?

First. Praise be for having these books available - you know I put these on display rotation once I found them.

Found in the graphic novels/comics box - YES x1000
Clap for Shakespeare

I am buying this for my children. Straight.
It doesn't gloss over anything but explains
everything on a child's level. Sick book.
Sick message!

If you are in favour of equal representation etc
but are ruffled by this book - relax yourself and sit down.
I am so happy to see books like this can still be out at
Christmas time(yes I know He wasn't born then jam your hype).
Even in a preferentially secular place like Quebec, equalirty
and variety of views and beliefs still have a place. Even in
my classroom library. So, shout outs to my beliefs!
Nativity story <3
#CantBeatTheMangerBaby

Now. After seeing all those positive, power forward books all of which carry important messages, are of great quality and are excellently written for children - and me, as I was so happy when I found them that I read them- check this hot mess of a book:

A.k.a. The Colonisation Of Canada : How we also stole land from the First Nations people,
The US weren't the only ones!

"From the lands of kings and queens", whose rule they were
fleeing though I swear? #NewWorldNewRules I thought...
"Found riches" - took
Mate, you were given/shown/stole resources from the people
who were already living there. Found is a synonym of discover,
you can't discover if you weren't first.
And ofc you will catch fish if you are at waters edge and are on a boat fam.
The fish have also been living there from day.

Casually ploughing their way through someone else's country. But wait,
it's ok because they brought trains.
Rapid transportation, love Europe,
you're welcome.
Not.

I love how all the First Nations are just chilling by the water then looking
up like "Say what?!" "Oh SNAP!" and all the 'Canadians' are hi-ho-ing away
rinsing out the land.

My friend.
You are writing about cars, but you fail to explain how suddenly
black people just "appeared" in Canada and they, as well as First Nations
are now all happily wearing western clothes and chilling, working and
driving. If you can't fill in the gaps for the children, don't tell the story
man. Refer to the aforementioned books to see how it's done.
Smh, I hope they get the real story in Grade 6 or high school...

Oh! Zumba is still going. Recent developments include:

Me when my tune comes on in class and I think I'm the business.

Me being upgraded to 'the set pace' section at the front. Before you get excited no I'm not a zumba beast now, numbers dropped after Christmas. I figured I barely know what to do anyway let me go up front and see what she's doing so I can try and mirror a little better. Plus the grannies said I should go in front so they don't have the pressure of being in that section. So I'm now a barely certified pace setter lol.
It was short lived. Gone are the days of me being carefree at the front of the class- I'm the only one my age and I already stick out for obvious reasons so I mainly just accept I look ridiculous and go for gusto like Pittsey here.

When girls like THIS show up to 'take a class'.

How I am going to win the SonicBoom Challenge

It's bad enough my instructor is like this chick.

This is because the inevitable has happened. Girls my age (or younger- GOD FORBID!) have infiltrated the class. With their high sleek ponytails, skin-tight yoga pants and crop tops -THAT'S RIGHT. All is officially lost. I have yet to look back and check if they are pace setters who secretly crack up at me flailing around trying to keep tempo and do combination moves, sweating out my perm and unintentionally shaking everything that my mama gave me and I probably never will. I've seen them, and while they smile and are friendly, they have no need to be here imo. It's like a chef taking another chef's cooking class for the lols - why are you here though?

Ugh. I'm done. Good night.

Zumba Read more

Friday 21 February 2014

Anonymous 23:58 0

So today is payday.....

And as I'm sure anyone who gets paid weekly/fortnightly will understand, the first day that money reaches your account (read, pocket) you feel stank rich and stupid.

As I like to say (I said it once in front of people who liked it, so now I'm making it a thing):

It's payday. EVERYTHING is feasible.

I haven't had a steady paying job since 2nd year when I waitressed on the side and nearly died of exhaustion from those ridiculous shifts. But the money cushioned the blow of my lack of 1st year bursaries. So, after 3rd and 4th year spent having no money of my own to invest in (read, blow on) my desperate and foolish love of clothes, shoes and shiny things - at times things I actually need, like an external hard drive [which may or may not also be shiny] - now I find it hard not to lose my senses once every two weeks.

The way I see it is....

This is the bank and my employers:

just throwing money at me really....

And this is me:

no choice but to accept the perks of steady employment,
forced to enjoy it while I can...

And then this is me in Ottawa as I try and fail to walk past Forever21:

I'm loathe to invest in my wardrobe, but who knows when I'll
be able to afford this much stuff again?

Today though, I stayed strong. Instead of F21 I took my business to Zara and Bluenotes.

Still ain't ~~brought~~ bought groceries for the week though.

#SorryGwynne

#WaterForDinDinz

#AbsolutelyShambolicPrioritiesButOneHellaNiceWardrobeSelection

Thrift Shopping Read more

Tuesday 11 February 2014

Anonymous 23:45 0

A Positive Message I Can Get With

I.E. it's simple, direct, to the point and doesn't lose me along the way with big unnecessary words.

More girls should be like her https://t.co/a32bm5VJFo

— Funny Vines (@BestVinesEver) February 10, 2014

Also she's so adorably sweet it makes my teeth hurt!

#SideNote

I just learnt how to put vines in blog posts....it's about to get real!

I don't care if you don't like me bro! Read more

Monday 10 February 2014

Anonymous 21:34 0

This Moment Right Here, Is Giving Me EVERYTHINGGGG Right Now

Literally can't stop laughing.

Go and get a hold of your life and watch this show.

Or at least this episode. Joy overload guaranteed.

Tuesday 4 February 2014

Anonymous 03:12 0

Voy a reir, voy a bailar, vivir mi vida, la la la la

Welcome to February kids! Otherwise known as, welcome to the real winter, this is where things get serious.

We've had a taste of -20s, -30s, icy roads and heaps of snow. But now, for the most part, the snow and cold is here to stay so, follow Bey's example and wrap up warm.

My look these days is a slightly more budget version, ofc...

In other news:

Marc Anthony please be my personal singer + house band? Por favor?
Les baptistes evangeliques de Buckingham are alright by me!
The first rule of Teachers Zumba Club is you don't talk about Teachers Zumba Club
The trifecta
Teacher's (appreciation) Day!
My kids still say ridiculous things....
My return to the real Isla Bonita (no, sadly it's not Jamaica this time :[ )

I don't care, I am not ashamed! I love Marc Anthony. As far as the old school gen of music is concerned, he is my favourite male singer right now. Period. In his heyday, he was bangin! I don't really know about this skinny uncle/Johnny Depp look he has going on right now (tucking shirts into jeans + dress shoes is never a look I will champion) but his voice has not changed. Marc, please I beg, sing me to sleep, sing at my wedding, my funeral. Just be in my life and sing at any random moment. My Zumba instructor soothed all the pain she causes me during class by playing this as our cooldown track:

*shuts eyes, puts hands in air, proceeds to salsa and sway around the room with her imaginary dance partner*

I finally got my entire life together and used one of my precious free Sundays to take my behind back (well to a new) to church. As I explained in another post, my options are: Catholic x2, United and Evangelical Baptist. EB was pretty much the only option I considered safe. And it was a good bet! My first visit was a bit bleak. The rest of the Gang was sleeping at mine while I ducked out early to go, I couldn't really take it all in because I knew I had to rush back to meet them for breakfast before they left. The whole time though (both visits) I was basically looking for a sign that this was where I should stay.....I got it anyway, between singing French (and even English!) versions of songs I know from my own church in the UK to the family vibe I picked up, the way they engaged with the kids and this one guy coming up to me, introducing me to like, everyone, including his whole family - he has the most adorable babies!!!! - and how everyone was so sweet, Evangelical Baptists will do nicely I think.

#SideNote

There were still some of those cute awkward moments that happen when you're in a small town full of old people/families. Questions like?

Where are you from? - gotta love the where are you froms, people always like to make sense of the brown.

I knew a pentecostal guy once, boy when you guys pray you PRAY - i.e. we make up noise lol, good to know our reputation precedes us haha.

Are you married, then? - ah the older gen, can't hit 20+ before people ask where your husband and kids are at LOL.

You're so beautiful! That skin! - being exotic can be fun sometimes I guess. But you know when (usually older) women complement you, like what they're saying is a shock, they're so astounded by it that they slap you. This woman punctuated the beautiful by hitting me on the arm while holding it in the other hand, had to fight not to crack up loool.

I think I'm gonna like it with this bunch. Plus the dinner invites are already rolling innn!

So, a little bird (my new bestie - she doesn't know it yet - a.k.a the school secretary) told me that some of the school staff do Zumba during lunch at school. Who knew? Some little underground fitness society! I'm telling you the women in this school don't ramp, salads and veggies/fruit for lunch and now I find out their secretly getting in workouts too.

Tbf, at first I thought, losing my lunch time by awkwardly moving and sweating with a bunch of people I don't know, some of whom blank me (or we mutually blank each other)? No, ta. But then, I had to be honest with myself, it was either that or sit on my butt for 1hr15mins eating and checking my phone for any hopes of conversation while several go one around (but do not include) me.

Lesson: No one in the adult world feels bad when you
sulk because no-one is talking to you...

So. What the hell. I ~~snuck~~ sneaked into the bathroom and changed into my budget, mismatched workout gear (thank you MELs for that lovely green t-shirt) and went to the library to await my fate.....you know what though?

Forget the teachers fam, the other staff in the school are JOKERS!!! Usually there's only 4-5 of us, some class assistants/special ed. workers, the secretary and the librarian, and we're in there cracking up! That bougie staffroom lot can keep their stank convos I like the zumba bunch sooooo much better! These women are literally such clowns, it's just us and the DVD so our 'class' pretty much goes like this:

Our motto should be: look stupid, get sweaty, be happy.

Take today for instance. We're doing the Menea Menea workout. So there was plenty of awkward hip rolling going on, a little like this:

Love how the "prettiest" ones come stiff like board.
But check Louis though - He knows what time it is!

One of the best things about it is no-one speaks English (barring me and my fake bestie) but they all love repeating the swag DVD commentary.

#SideNote to these Chickens (Kass, Gina, Tanya and Loretta) right here - ___ -

Kass - No I will not tell you 'what's my flow', and no one cares what Loretta's 'flavah' is so stop asking.

Tanya - No I will not give you a little spice, a little pump, a little 'flavah'. I cannot shimmy while trying to salsa at the same time as arm curls and lunges. After you're a fitness instructor and a trained dancer. No one has time for you and you teenie tiny sports bra. No one cares for you going 'uuuunnnhh!' 'yea yea!'. Go away man.

Loretta - You barely spoke during the whole DVD. While this is a plus, how do you feel bae? No one couldn't give you a few lines to say? Go stand in the back with the others.

Gina - Cease and desist telling me to 'back it up' and no I cannot show you what I'm 'working with'. I can't do a 'simple' samba singlesingledouble step when you didn't teach it to us, so there is definitely no way I've 'got it'. Don't tell me to march it out and then proceed to two step all across the floor with all the other dancers - oops participants - on some strobe light dance floor. THIS IS NOT A RAVE, MAN.

à la Raven Symone

Anywayyyy, along with the menea menea move our favourite phrase in class is the 'booty pump' which they pronounce 'boody pom'. I feel for who ever walks past the door and hears shouts of 'Woo! Yeah! Boody pom pom pommm!'

I kid you not, at the end of the workout as I turned away to put back tables and grab my stuff, I turn back around and see the librarian by the window going 'Menea, menea, menea, meneaaaa!!!!'.

This woman had me crying all the way back to the staffroom.

I've finally done it! Lift to school in the mornings + offer for an earlier lift if I want it, lift home from school if it's the right time, plus lifts to and from Zumba on Wednesdays!

Today was pretty good coincidentally. Teacher's Day meant two things for me. Getting congratulated and double kissed by the school guidance counsellor who actually knew my name!!! (She did the same to all the other teachers but caringgg -which, obv means I do not...) And my grade 5 class telling me I'm the greatest/best ELA everrrr and hugging me (I didn't even have to make them) which basically made me feel like Michelle Obama for 5 minutes lol.

The madness never ends I swear. Today's highlights:

*I told them to come up with journalist names for their news stories based on the Holocaust book we'r reading in grade 6*

Me: You can't have that as a name, you can't call yourself Jesus. I meant like a first name, last name thing.

Girl: Jesus Christ! [her suggestion]

Me:....No....and that's not His last name....

*later in that class*

Girl: Can I put my last name as Hitler? [she was trying to make her name an ironic joke]

Me: No.

Girl: Why not? [ she honest to God didn't see it]

Me: Because that might be offensive to some people. [Definitely, to a large majority who know anything about life]

.........................................................................................................................................

*In grade 5, G1's sister is tanned, brunette and brown eyed, she is blue eyed, pale and blonde, she asked G2 if it was the same with her sister, G2 was "darker"...convo murmurs on, and then.....*

Me hearing this off key discussion about to pop off...

Girl 1: Miss Emma was a little whiter than you, right?

^She may as well have started with ^

Me: Wait what?

how I wanted to look at her .

what I wanted to say.

Girl 1: You don't find, she was a bit whiter than you?

Girl 2: Yea, you don't think?

Me: *holding up my forearm* a bit?

what I wanted to say really....

Boy: Nah, you're noi-err darker, Miss Emma was bla-err whi-err way lighter... [bless him he didn't want to offend me but he could see what was wrong with the conversation lol]

Me: No, Mss Emma is white (I think, I know she's not black though lol), I am black.

*minor discussion of darker/lighter/whiter*

Girl 1 to Girl 2: [she saw nothing lol] So you're black!

Girl 2: I'm not black I'm just tan!

Me:

*To the tune of I Woke Up In a New Bugatti*

I went and booked my flight to Cuba!

Please believe there was a victory dance moment, LBG can testify to that. So, while everyone else will spend March thawing out in prep for summer, I'll hopefully be catching some rays and reconnecting with some of the great people I met. Peak if Cuba is rubbish the 2nd time around!!! For now though, my only goal is to not roll up in Havana looking like this: