MICHELLE OBAMA INAUGURATES BADAJOZ APARTMENT

I kid you not guys, she did. Well,  I did. We had a costume party on the terrace and my celebrity (theme) was:

Mrs O

Everyone loved it! But the party was dry as dry can get. Sahara dry. But tbh thats because it was not my scene, and most definately not my kind of people. I mean, my housemates and their respective others- lovely, the masses that poured in, a bunch of WEIRDOS. Seriously, if I go missing, they are the top 10 suspect list. Creepy french guy- who btw, seemed almost disgusted at the fact that I spoke french and made sure only to speak to me in english or spanish. Housemate's brother who did not know when to fall back- and obvs I did not know how to tell him.

The whole thing as a gigantic waste of my time, I dont smoke tobacco and weed and barely drink, so apart from having awkward convos where I concentrated on hearing over the music and processing spanish, I didn't really do much. The First Lady was kinda bored.
Dont even need to mention the music, at this point I'm sure you've gathered its pretty much a SNM subject.
By 2.30am I was done, so I snuck off to the flat (making sure not to get mirked by one of the party guests/possible serial killers) and texted Danielle all night in my room till I fell asleep. Best way to avoid a guy- disappear.
Or so I thought.
Obvs next morning (...1pm...say nothing...) on my way to the bathroom, man is sleeping on the sofa. Bad fudge-cakin times for Monique. He's still here even now, didnt understand how, when I said "I'll be up in 5 minutes" aka "at never o'clock", he finds out hours later I've K.O'd in my room. Best place to escape  to is your own subconcious right?