Chronically Awkward

Friday 12 November 2010

LOOOONG Overdue Update (Monique)

Hey World!!!

Ok, this update is practically years overdue after I just belw in and blew out with the whole New York City *fiascoextravaganza*. However, I have returned, so fear not, all will be revealed....

Although, please bare with as photos will probably come later rather than sooner, due to, drumroll please............

SKY BROADBAND TAKING AWAY OUR INTERNET AND PHONE. AGAIN.

Seriously, they need to sort out their lifetime priorities. How are you going to have NO recollection of the acount we set up and activated with you, and NO IDEA how we've had phone or internet for so long, apart from illegally, which we don't know enough about to hook ourselves up to in the first place. If we could do that we wouldn't have bothered with Sky!!! Good Grief! Aren't they the ones who studied telecummunications IT and all that ish, why are WE being told THEY have no clue what's going on!?

~~lksahdlsajhf;skljjhdfbsdf.bsds.jkbdf.jkhsdf~~

and, breathe.

rant over.

RIGHT.

Last Night

Went out on a welfare fancy dress social.

Theme: When I Grow Up

My Costume: Sugarplum Fairy

Inspiration: Ms. NickiMinaj

Photos of me in a hot pink wig: Soon come ;P

And finally........................

NYC, is actually, the LIVEST city on the globe. FACT. It never sleeps, and in the words of my illustrious, g-dot, famous, coolkid chic bar-owning uncle Pat:

"If you sittin at home with nothin' to do, don't mean nothin ain't goin on, just means you weren't invited!"

Wise words.

Staying at the Trump Soho hotel, was not a luxury, it brought new definition the the hotel experience! We even saw the Donald himself filming a commercial in his hotel (Y)!

Highlights of the trip:

Victoria Secret: the underwear is worth the money, they are the most comfortable things ever, and the fragrance range is off the chain!

TIME SQUARE- SNM!!!

Grand Central Station: Trafalgar Square/Victoria/Charring Cross Station can all shut up sit down or go home. SNM! When I saw the shoe shiner boys it was game over, too fine!

China Town: home of Amsterdam Boutique (DAMN the clothes fit me so niiiiice!) and Transit!!! The home of my would-be baby daddies/visa husbands! OML I will NEVER love like that again! : (

Cabana Nuevo Latino: banging Cuban restaurant with hot like fya waiters!

Xiao-Ye: my uncle's bar/restaurant. JHEEZE! Menu was too fly...and he gave me a Hennesey Loco (never again).

St. Paul's Cathedral at Ground Zero: There aren't even words, it was too amazing, when God collaborates with humanity in the face of adversity like that, its always an amazing testament to how we can all come together...truly profound.

....more photos to be added soon.....

In a bit guys xXx

Monday 25 October 2010

Anonymous 17:17 1

Miniature Announcement (Monique)

Ok, here goes,

A few months ago, I entered a competition to win a trip to NY with Superdrug. I won, and was supposed to take one of my parent's, but, because of finances, work, and general crap, that flopped, so I'm taking the only other person who knew- Caitlin (as I'm sure you all guessed).

HOWEVER

The trip, comes with spending money, so I will bring each of you back ONE thing, obviously within reason cost wise. So, place your order or you get a key chain. :D

X

(and yes I was bricking it about doing this for some reason, but now, gracias al internet, its out of my hands, so, booyah!)

Tuesday 12 October 2010

Anonymous 12:32 0

Only a short victory post...(Monique)

I had a poor excuse for a weekend and a rubbish start to the week, minimal work done, no money in the bank, left my uni bus pass at church, made a batch of festival (basically sweet fried dough) that I desperately want to throw up right this second! AND, I spilt tomato soup on my phone

HOWEVER
I now have wireless broadband, so Sky can SUCK IT!!!!!!!!!

But p*ssed because I'm the only house mate that can get access, Windows 7 yes boy!! No dusty Vista over here mate hahaaa

On a slightly happier still note, here is my loot (aka free/discount crap) from the Arndale Student Giveaway (aka lets swindle students day)

YES! (that includes a free tin of beans and free pasta..dont judge, that made me pasta bake and beans and bacon)

Today, I also took time out to give back, and do my bit at the Manchester Uni Stop Aids Society charity clothes swap/bake sale. £1.30 donated by yours truly (what was in my purse basically), then left behind some old clothes, came out with a size 12 Dorothy Perkins blazer and a top from Bay.

RESULT!

how have you guys been getting on?

Monday 4 October 2010

Anonymous 16:57 1

Fresher’s Flu, How I Loathe Thee by Monique

I’m currently jamming here, half watching a Lost, DVD (which I will discuss and probably berate a bit later) and contemplating the millions of foreign bacteria currently shoubzing it up in my body right now, happily creating phlegm, aches, pains and snot. Probably cracking up at my pathetic immune system and lazy ass white blood cells too.

I currently hold three people responsible for this, and every first year on campus are circumstantial contributors too as far as I’m concerned. As Caitlin would say, “this petri dish of bacteria” that I call home, is slyly as filthy as it is shiny, sparkly and lovely.

Italian tosse medicine (cough medicine for all you no speak italianos out there) however, is the BUSINESS. Its fire in the lungs man, I love it. If it weren’t like taking some slow shot of rum I would drink it! These Vicks cough sweets I’m sucking on- oh yes they have upgraded from all that “vapour rubbing action” isn’t half bad either actually.

Another event of this week – Danielle’s (my housemate’s x-flat mate) birthday night out at the Ritz, run by Dirty Stop Out. The name alone let me know I wouldn’t be seeing my bed anytime soon (not till 4am in fact), which I’m generally never happy about, and I hate going out on Saturdays because I love going to church on Sunday. Sometimes it’s just too close for comfort, even when I make sure I behave myself. ANYWAY. It was actually kinda jokes for the short time we spent there (we arrived on BPT hence an early departure still resulted in a 4am return home). It was school themed, even though we didn’t get the memo. Most of the night was spent creasing after the clubland girls dancing around on the floor and on stage. They were so lost in the music, by the music, it was not serious. They were all gorgeous and that but just had some next moves. One girl must have had some Vybz Kartel inner soundtrack going on because she was winding her body up down and around. But the DJ was playing Mr Brightside, Teenage Dirtbag, Wake Me Up When September Ends and other pop rock tunes (yes, musically at some stages it was that deep. NOT IMPRESSED). The girls on stage were just dazed and confused. To be fair their focus was probably more on not falling out of their DIY school uniforms. But I noticed when the music switched from Ibiza to hip hop and R&B (FINALLY, even though it only lasted about 5mins) they couldn’t seem to match their dancing to the beat, like they were allergic to a decent bass line, and a backing track using actual instruments and not just some little techno keyboard. It was beyond funny.

On a final note, I went shopping. Again! I’m so weak man. I bought harem pants- black, classic and wearable with anything on sale for £8 however! Aaaaand I also bought a completely necessary black pair of wedge heeled wellies!

Take that Manchester ha-ha. If you ever want to spot me I’ll be the one walking fearlessly in those gorgeous black wellies stomping through puddles like a badman! No lie I feel bulletproof in them willies. Its game over, the weather can’t touch me, I’m a BOSS!

On a side note, all jokes aside, my cheap harem pants were cheap in every sense. They ripped while I was at uni, not overly noticeable but still. I was obviously vex, however, I marched my behind home, got out my poundland sewing kit and stitched that badboy back up like what… LIKE A BOSS! Monique 1, High-street Fashion 0

Thursday 23 September 2010

Anonymous 17:24 2

It's been a LONG day. by Monique

I AM POOR (no it’s actually official)

I am sitting here, at half 11 not even ready yet because reality is too busy hitting me.

2 MONTHS OF SALARY- Gone! Actually physically all gone somehow!?

Well, not somehow, I can actually explain this pretty damn well. First, the laptop £479 worth of Dell shiny metal plastic and circuits, an indisputably necessary investment, however the payment didn’t leave my account until earlier this week. So in the meantime, like a genius I’d been running around spending like superwoman.

I have a certain issue, in that I looooove money. And I can’t hold onto it. Don’t get me wrong I can be as tight as a choke hold with money as long as: A. I have a specific purchase in mind (such as the laptop), B. I have the sense to not touch my emergency holiday savings account, C. I have piggy bank.

C. would have saved me, BUT NO WHERE SELLS cheap (see I am tight) PIGGY BANKS!!! WHY ME LORD????

TFL, end of summer sales, going out with friends, cooking, and trying to be helpful are all to blame!

Once I have a note in my pocket, I get big dreams, like splashing out on my oyster card. When I pay with plastic (like spending £38 on my mother to buy her a surprise gift which wasn’t even what she actually wanted), it’s the ULTIMATE sabotage. Spending a large amount of money, for me, feels like being shot or stabbed, ESPECIALLY when it’s not even for me. But paying by card is like wearing a bullet proof vest, barely any impact.

Moving in, new house, new room, my priorities and expenses change.

On a serious note, things like paying for broadband, line rental, watergaselectricity bills, RENT! New bins, ant powder (infamous student house infestation ….yay….) food for the fridge (I can’t STARVE now can I?) are all necessary.

But then, new jeans (I have like 2 left that haven’t ripped!), new bed sheets, pot puree, toiletries (a basic human right!), and maybe 3 tops (from the charity shop- don’t eeeven mock, the charity vintage shops in Manchester go HARD!, designer brands for like £3…and a leather clutch for £6…again necessary) a pair of new dolly shoes (I HAD NO FLATS COME ON NOW!) and shampoo. All of which were essential to making moving in and going back to uni positive, not to mention how many underwear sales I had to run away from, closing down sales, reductions, it was like torture L

BUT, the final killer blow was dealt by the demon that is known as STUDENT FINANCE. I had a good £65 pounds left, a month’s worth of funds to tide me over. But then, to register for uni, to my shock and horror, student finance had FAILED to cover the £65 difference between the old loan amount and the new load amount. No enrolment, no uni, no loan. BAD TIMES.

So now, with 2 bank accounts cleaned out, and one on life support, I find out that my rent is due in 5 days, and as I’m paying in instalments its over £1000 pounds.

To all those who know what this means…. GEEEEEEED (Y)

Later today….

I tried to go into uni early, I really did. But wait. I go to uni in MANCHESTER. So of course, the second I go to leave the weather decides to lose it’s mind and start thundering and raining like the Lord was sending a plague/flood. I made it to the corner before the bus stop but by then it was game over. I went back home soaked, intending to wait out the rain…or really to just never go out again.

THIS was my kickass remedy- chocolate mug cake and movies

BUT.

Instead I was held hostage by the TV licence man (damn door without a peephole!), and was forced to set up a direct debit or pay more money that I don’t have. There is only DUST in my purse now :’(.

Also, I retract my earlier statements about the enterprise formerly known as the demon that is Student Finance, as my loan was delivered successfully today. After breezing to the bank, I was able to do the first of 2 transfers that will save my ass. (After a minor calculation I realised, my rent was due on Monday, and, there were only tumble weeds left in my direct debit account)

HOWEVER

Don’t let anyone fool you kids, independence is GRIM.

Wednesday 22 September 2010

Anonymous 15:17 0

Written on my 1st day back in Manch.....

Year 2, Manchester – Operation Thong Has Commenced (Monique)

Day 1…..

It is 00:12am right now, and I am currently jamming in my cosy, toasty, play boy bunny pink double bed (upgraded from single bed prison dorm rooms now sucka!!!) watching Ms Congeniality (yes Caitlin you left it at mine and when I realised I may have temporarily hijacked it…ransom when ready baby girl) instead of sleeping. It’s the brutal makeover scene, I know it may seem grim but one day I swear down when I’m ballin’ that will be me! All-star beauty treatment YES BOY!

F.Y.I- Yes Boy! Is a phrase coined by Denise and Zoe, which we adopted after Italia 2010 holiday extravaganza.

After being held hostage by Virgin Trains on the longest train ride ever, I soon realised 2 things –(8)Mustanggg Sally now Baby!(8), sorry, it’s that time in the movie, I’m fighting singing along with Tom Jones, She’s A Lady lol-

ONE- Cab drivers don’t know jack. After queuing to get a cab, I politely enunciated the name of my road (few people up here understand South Londonese lol), only for him to ask where that was. Bad times, considering I suck at directions.

TWO- Pack light, does not feature in my vocabulary. At all. I went back with an empty suitcase to pick up a few bits, came back with a full case and two bags. One very small girl shifting all that is just not the one.

FRESHERS!!! This week had best be live, no courses etc. only one meeting for me on Wednesday. But I will NOT be caught slipping at all. I have declared war on the freakishly tall, clone like army of TopShopRiverIslandH&MAllSaints glamazons that seem to have flocked to Manchester from their Oxford Street Mother Ship’s (or Flagship stores, same thing really lol). Your clothes speak before you do right? Some outfits say “Hello Boys”, some say “F You World” or “I’m from the 1950’s”. I want my outfits to say, in the illustrious words of Lethal Bizzle “POW! You don’t know about me!” I don’t even care, I want to look bangin every day if I can. Caitlin knows, my motto: “Why should I not look hot today?”

Money wise, my bank account is stable, but after shopping for basics, food, shoes and uni books, it could become comatose…..

Bad Times.

Thursday 16 September 2010

Anonymous 20:24 1

Abandonment...the final countdown (by Monique)

Caitlin......GONE

Danielle.....LONG GONE

Our numbers are dwindling, fast.

The days of summer are over, our memories are mere photos. Obv I need to tone down the emo behaviour, but I miss you guys so much it HURTS.

SHET MEHN

SHET!

education interferes with friendships- FACT

but allow not being in uni....damn

LOVE YOU ALL <3

btw this is me :