Chronically Awkward

I kid you not guys, she did. Well,  I did. We had a costume party on the terrace and my celebrity (theme) was:

Mrs O



Everyone loved it! But the party was dry as dry can get. Sahara dry. But tbh thats because it was not my scene, and most definately not my kind of people. I mean, my housemates and their respective others- lovely, the masses that poured in, a bunch of WEIRDOS. Seriously, if I go missing, they are the top 10 suspect list. Creepy french guy- who btw, seemed almost disgusted at the fact that I spoke french and made sure only to speak to me in english or spanish. Housemate's brother who did not know when to fall back- and obvs I did not know how to tell him.

The whole thing as a gigantic waste of my time, I dont smoke tobacco and weed and barely drink, so apart from having awkward convos where I concentrated on hearing over the music and processing spanish, I didn't really do much. The First Lady was kinda bored.
Dont even need to mention the music, at this point I'm sure you've gathered its pretty much a SNM subject.
By 2.30am I was done, so I snuck off to the flat (making sure not to get mirked by one of the party guests/possible serial killers) and texted Danielle all night in my room till I fell asleep. Best way to avoid a guy- disappear.
Or so I thought.
Obvs next morning (...1pm...say nothing...) on my way to the bathroom, man is sleeping on the sofa. Bad fudge-cakin times for Monique. He's still here even now, didnt understand how, when I said "I'll be up in 5 minutes" aka "at never o'clock", he finds out hours later I've K.O'd in my room. Best place to escape  to is your own subconcious right?

Didn't find him till the LAST FREAKING BITE! This infidel was IN the frying pan, ON the plate and BESIDE my lazagne. As Niamh would say: SICK.BALLS

Right, there seems to be a very present LGBT community in lil old Badajoz- which actually fully shocks me.
For instance, one of the first friends I made over here happens to have a transexual girl as a bestie, lovely as she is, that was a first for me. I mean, at uni sure, I've seen and met a lot trans people before but to make friends and see what they are like and their dynamics etc was.....interesting.....but yea.

Then, on my first day, some dude with long hair leans out of a car and gives me the "Agi-tabi nod" (all cator girls know this), that one that mandem worldwide do in a way of acknowledging your presence, that freakin high chin lift thing. Salute and everything. I kind of waved in some dazedconfused kind of way- turns out, as my housemate later enlightened me, that was a CHICK trying to "pick me up/checking me out".

Bad times


And then, on the bus, minding my beezewax - i.e. headphones in sitting in a 1 person seat, music blaring so there's no one on the bus but me as far as I'm concerned. And the sun roof lid thingy (do I design buses? No. So forgive the lack of vocab) right above me fell and nearly took me out - i.e. sounded like a gunshot when it hit the ground beside me and my earphones popped out from the shock). 2 seconds later a friendly butch lesbian- who may I add was wearing a bangin (I assume men's section) t-shirt, comes up and "rescues" me, moving the object, alerting the bus driver and smiling at me all the way till I got off the bus.


Skeen. Is all I have to say to all of the above.

On another note, moved into a new apartment, didn't get Rebeca's one [gutted], with new flatties-
Niamh, still, Juan (gay, lovely guy!), Jose Luis (straight and taken), {insert name here} Alberto ( so far, I know he's a stoner and die hard extremenyo- flag of the province above his bed. NICENICE)....(who also loves death metal, rap, metal rap and rap metal, but decent guy)

Love the place but see for yourself, tired of typing now (up for work at 6.30 am, 22:08 now, yippeeeeee) and you are probs tired of reading. So scroll and look (you lazy individual- loljokes loveyou!)








As my resident twins (in babies class) often say:
OKTHANKSBAY-EEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!


Serious. Bun this I'm goin bed.

So, Danielle suggested I use this blog to write about my year abroad, and seeing as none of you heifers are using it I'm hijacking it! - This is friendship- RIGHT.

Anyway, over it.
All of you know anyway that I'm in Spain,
for those of you that care, and plan to use Google to see where the heck I am exactly, its the province of Extremadura in Badajoz, aka nooneherespeaksanyenglish-ville. Which is fiiiine, because I'm here to learn right?
Great place, nice and hot - 40 degrees yesterday #justsayin

Downsides-
this place will make you paranoid and racist (Kim/Danielle/Denise/Triona). I swear, my first two weeks in all of these situations:
being the first one asked to clean at work
being sold out at the supermarket by the cashier so the security guard searched my bag
and being stared at,
Two words came to mind - Its because I'm black isn't it. ( You can't say it was some far fetched assumption in the last two cases can you? No.)

Working in a nursery- 
for those of you that care, if not scroll past this bit ( Denise- LOL joke!)
I have the class with 2-3 year olds, and their germs. There's one set of twins, the chubbiest girl alive and one kid who cries so much he ends up drinking like a litre of snot each day, among many others. But they are all adorable, and theres a class for the babies and kids from 4-7. In the big kids class there are these 3 brothers, twins and one younger, who look like a walking ralph lauren adver. No joke, Leo DiCaprio hairstyle from titanic (gel with a sidepart) designer shoes, and shirts tucked into shorts- everytime I see them I sing "who wears short shorts", they dont get it, but then again they dont get that at school in the UK they would get beaten up. Pretty much all the boys in the older kids class are decked out in Ralph or DG right down to their socks- one question- WHERE ARE THEY GOING?! Food stains look the same on normal clothes as they do on Guccci alie?

AAAAAAAAAAAnywho.
Living with Niamh (Neev) an irish chick at the moment. There was an american girl who was with us but she found her own place to live and ducked out on us, while we're still looking for a new apartment, and hardly says 2 words to us unless we're at work. Bothered.
Today was the best day here so far! Went to our favourite shop lkhflhjlhjr (oh yeah, if you think I'm telling you cows what its called-UH NO) and bought the cutest shoes and to try on my future dream dress. And we met a spanish basketball team with my future dream babydaddy ( I'm kidding, I am, but I still have eyes dont I?). They were soo jokes! Poor Niamh though, they sent this one joker to translate everything for her and kiss her hand. They were very  pretty, but possibly to young (sad times). But they even live where we work (yesboi! - seriously, I'm kidding).
All in all, a pretty good day!

Update on the flat front:
We went to visit Rebeca, friend of a friend who may have 2 spare rooms for us. I swear down it was meant to be. 150 euros exactly (the max our boss will give us each kmt) for rent, plus internet, huuuge kitchen (compared to the crawl space we have now) and lovely big - may I add bed bug and spider free- bedrooms, aaaaand INTERNET! Which would mean no more roadside facebook. I had no idea how much I missed being able to go online at 3am no questions asked.

FINGERS CROSSED ON THAT GUYS.


Finally, Niamh is slowly but surely infecting my vocabulary with her irish saying such as :
Good luck! - sarcastic or meaning goodbye
Lets bust - lets go
Jesus!! - (say no more)
Lads - guys
Sound - good
Ride as in "He is an absolute Ride" (no joke) - fit/choong etc/he would "get it" (Denise)
Aboy! as in "Aboy tubss!" - yesss tubby! (we say that to some of the kids when we feed them because they are so chubby and eat like bulldozers)
Monster - her nickname for me, after the energy drink we both like.

Hey World!!!

Ok, this update is practically years overdue after I just belw in and blew out with the whole New York City *fiascoextravaganza*. However, I have returned, so fear not, all will be revealed....

Although, please bare with as photos will probably come later rather than sooner, due to, drumroll please............


SKY BROADBAND TAKING AWAY OUR INTERNET AND PHONE. AGAIN.

Seriously, they need to sort out their lifetime priorities. How are you going to have NO recollection of the acount we set up and activated with you, and NO IDEA how we've had phone or internet for so long, apart from illegally, which we don't know enough about to hook ourselves up to in the first place. If we could do that we wouldn't have bothered with Sky!!! Good Grief! Aren't they the ones who studied telecummunications IT and all that ish, why are WE being told THEY have no clue what's going on!?

lksahdlsajhf;skljjhdfbsdf.bsds.jkbdf.jkhsdf

and, breathe.

rant over.


RIGHT.

Last Night

Went out on a welfare fancy dress social.

Theme: When I Grow Up

My Costume: Sugarplum Fairy

Inspiration: Ms. NickiMinaj

Photos of me in a hot pink wig: Soon come ;P


And finally........................

NYC, is actually, the LIVEST city on the globe. FACT. It never sleeps, and in the words of my illustrious, g-dot, famous, coolkid chic bar-owning uncle Pat:

"If you sittin at home with nothin' to do, don't mean nothin ain't goin on, just means you weren't invited!"

Wise words.

Staying at the Trump Soho hotel, was not a luxury, it brought new definition the the hotel  experience! We even saw the Donald himself filming a commercial in his hotel (Y)!




Highlights of the trip:

Victoria Secret: the underwear is worth the money, they are the most comfortable things ever, and the fragrance range is off the chain!





Grand Central Station: Trafalgar Square/Victoria/Charring Cross Station can all shut up sit down or go home. SNM! When I saw the shoe shiner boys it was game over, too fine!

China Town: home of Amsterdam Boutique (DAMN the clothes fit me so niiiiice!) and Transit!!! The home of my would-be baby daddies/visa husbands! OML I will NEVER love like that again! : (



Cabana Nuevo Latino: banging Cuban restaurant with hot like fya waiters!

Xiao-Ye: my uncle's bar/restaurant. JHEEZE! Menu was too fly...and he gave me a Hennesey Loco (never again).







St. Paul's Cathedral at Ground Zero: There aren't even words,  it was too amazing, when God collaborates with humanity in the face of adversity like that, its always an amazing testament to how we can all come together...truly profound.


....more photos to be added soon.....





In a bit guys xXx