Chronically Awkward

....for sure..... and I'm well into the final stages....

Yes, this post (soon to be followed by another) is about my shopping over in the land of España. I have done basically NO souvenir shopping- sorry guys!

BUT

I have been on an absolute mission!
NOT to reinvent myself
NOT to redo my entire wardrobe
NOT to find a new style

Just, to buy what I love, make it my own and not have a price limit to pay a little extra for good quality stuff.

Don't get me wrong I've still bought some crap that I don't need, or fell apart after a while or which looked good at the time, but weren't really all that.

ANYWAY, I decided to share, just because...

Life update after the photos y'all.

my suitcase from the Chinese shop 18 euro yesboi!

my lavender candle and organic sweetrose hand cream- expensive but worth it - thanks Natura

My H&M tutti frutti body spray- YES

My homeless gloves from Shana- so I can actually feel my hands on the way to work

My Springfield jacket, down from 40 to 20 Euros!

My b-day present dress from Bershka that I was bang-on!

My satchel from Springfield- set off the alarm in every shop I went into for weeks..kmt

Long sleeve LBD from Sfera

15 euro skinny jeans from Ch. shop fit so good! Jeggings from Stradivarius and sweat pants from Madrid!

Skirts from Shana and Matsuri shorts- they look massive but my bum is massive so bothered!

 Now the goodstuff for Triona :)

Mac purchases- tinted moisturiser, mineralise blush (Gleeful) - been waiting to get that since NYC, concealer, and highlighter sample-YES M.A.C

Sephora- where to begin, thanks to my loyalty card, foundation brushes, sharpener, topcoat, primer and foundation samples...

And my Sephora liquid eyeliner- AT LAST! My arm is complete! <3

Another party tomorrow

FLIP!

I know they say I'm a party pooper but I'm just so BORED! I don't think I should have to get drunk just to have fun, why can't it just be fun in the first place? LONGGGG! Ah well!

Started packing, 16 days till I go home and counting......


XXXX

Right, I've decided since it's 4.30pm, and I woke up at 2.30pm (I'll get to that) I should (have to before I hurt something....which I'll get to) take some only child time and hide out in my room - separate dimension in itself- for most the rest of the day.

I only have 4 WEEKS LEFT in Spain before I actually have to go back to the real world....OML.... my list of left to do accomplishments makes me sad:

Go to a Spanish church [ I don't give a monkey's, its MY blog, MY list, MY rules] - Being surrounded by catholic churches every 5 yards, seriously, practically every street has its own church, surprisingly destroys all motivation to find my own denomination, until I worked up the energy to Google , I'd convinced myself pentecostal churches in Spain were an urban legend...not like I could ask anyone I know, they all fall into the non-catholic bracket

Go to Merida, Caceres, Jojo's house in the forest - I could say I didn't have time, but I spent most of the summer weekends completely doped out and exhausted by the heat instead of sitting my behind on a bus with my camera ready to go

Go to Sevilla - I'm going next week to do yet more shopping and sight seeing so that's not too bad


Take photos of the traffic clowns - not kidding, they risk their lives juggling in the busiest roads, and they make my day lol!

Go to a museum - I don't want to pay for it, when I can buy shoes, but there are so many so close, I have to make the most of it and go...

Go to one of the parents' house for dinner - Technically the ball is in their court on this one but, I discipline your kid, teach them English, wipe their bums SEVERAL times a day, wipe their noses, clean out their ears, feed them, cuddle them and basically co-parent them (actually no not really but still) for 9 hours 5 days a week. That and I love the kids so much that a dinner invite is the only thing that could stop me stealing them before I leave! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA.....haaaaaokayI'mfinished


However......

if anyone knows about the flower, THIS is where it began -.-

In the garden on the loooooooooooooong way to el Palacio de Cristal - pictured below

Pictures don't do justice to this tiny little wonder of Madrid

El Rastro- the biggest and in my opinion one of the best, street markets in Europe

Nightime architecture

El Palacio Real at night

Actually had a field day when we found sweet sweet Primarni

Plenilunio - Shopping centre and a HALF!

Plaza Mayorrrrrrr

La Plazaaaaa

Beautiful Sentiment <3

Inside the most beautiful cathedral

The most scarily lifelike religious artwork, the sculptures actually looked  at you!

Where the Spanish language was formed

In the H&M changing room before I ran up on the checkout with my purchases

Everything was seen from under the brim of my umbrella coz of the weatha

hotel bathroom had good lighting and I had new M.A.C makeup

and an unworn H&M shirt and TopSop jeans

Hall88 Apartahotel, we arrived at 3am with no idea whowhatwhenwherewhy and managed to get a room thanks to Esteban!

This is how I looked most of the day, brolley and camera in hand!

On a final note, the last 2days:

• went out for a friends bday, instead of staying in bed as per (coincidently where I am now)
• managed to last a full-ish Spanish night out [11pm to 6am], they went on to another place but some of us (thankfully went home)
• went to about 4 different places
• spent 20 euro on shoes I abandoned after 2 hours in favour of flats
• realised what I already knew (I have no patience for mean bitchy drunks)
• being sober when everyone else is annoying but necessary as far as I'm concerned
• I didn't drink lies I tasted mojitos and sipped some desperados, if I'm 100% honest, which may not really matter but once again, MY rules right?
• having my hair down is not the way forward in a hot club
• Portuguese people can be really snobby
• random conversations in Spanish in the ladies bathroom are the way forward - and benefit of being sober enough to participate

I'm going to post about FOOD!
because nothing else holds my interest right now. The best of Spanish gastronomy:

   

I kid you not guys, she did. Well,  I did. We had a costume party on the terrace and my celebrity (theme) was:

Mrs O



Everyone loved it! But the party was dry as dry can get. Sahara dry. But tbh thats because it was not my scene, and most definately not my kind of people. I mean, my housemates and their respective others- lovely, the masses that poured in, a bunch of WEIRDOS. Seriously, if I go missing, they are the top 10 suspect list. Creepy french guy- who btw, seemed almost disgusted at the fact that I spoke french and made sure only to speak to me in english or spanish. Housemate's brother who did not know when to fall back- and obvs I did not know how to tell him.

The whole thing as a gigantic waste of my time, I dont smoke tobacco and weed and barely drink, so apart from having awkward convos where I concentrated on hearing over the music and processing spanish, I didn't really do much. The First Lady was kinda bored.
Dont even need to mention the music, at this point I'm sure you've gathered its pretty much a SNM subject.
By 2.30am I was done, so I snuck off to the flat (making sure not to get mirked by one of the party guests/possible serial killers) and texted Danielle all night in my room till I fell asleep. Best way to avoid a guy- disappear.
Or so I thought.
Obvs next morning (...1pm...say nothing...) on my way to the bathroom, man is sleeping on the sofa. Bad fudge-cakin times for Monique. He's still here even now, didnt understand how, when I said "I'll be up in 5 minutes" aka "at never o'clock", he finds out hours later I've K.O'd in my room. Best place to escape  to is your own subconcious right?

Didn't find him till the LAST FREAKING BITE! This infidel was IN the frying pan, ON the plate and BESIDE my lazagne. As Niamh would say: SICK.BALLS

Right, there seems to be a very present LGBT community in lil old Badajoz- which actually fully shocks me.
For instance, one of the first friends I made over here happens to have a transexual girl as a bestie, lovely as she is, that was a first for me. I mean, at uni sure, I've seen and met a lot trans people before but to make friends and see what they are like and their dynamics etc was.....interesting.....but yea.

Then, on my first day, some dude with long hair leans out of a car and gives me the "Agi-tabi nod" (all cator girls know this), that one that mandem worldwide do in a way of acknowledging your presence, that freakin high chin lift thing. Salute and everything. I kind of waved in some dazedconfused kind of way- turns out, as my housemate later enlightened me, that was a CHICK trying to "pick me up/checking me out".

Bad times


And then, on the bus, minding my beezewax - i.e. headphones in sitting in a 1 person seat, music blaring so there's no one on the bus but me as far as I'm concerned. And the sun roof lid thingy (do I design buses? No. So forgive the lack of vocab) right above me fell and nearly took me out - i.e. sounded like a gunshot when it hit the ground beside me and my earphones popped out from the shock). 2 seconds later a friendly butch lesbian- who may I add was wearing a bangin (I assume men's section) t-shirt, comes up and "rescues" me, moving the object, alerting the bus driver and smiling at me all the way till I got off the bus.


Skeen. Is all I have to say to all of the above.

On another note, moved into a new apartment, didn't get Rebeca's one [gutted], with new flatties-
Niamh, still, Juan (gay, lovely guy!), Jose Luis (straight and taken), {insert name here} Alberto ( so far, I know he's a stoner and die hard extremenyo- flag of the province above his bed. NICENICE)....(who also loves death metal, rap, metal rap and rap metal, but decent guy)

Love the place but see for yourself, tired of typing now (up for work at 6.30 am, 22:08 now, yippeeeeee) and you are probs tired of reading. So scroll and look (you lazy individual- loljokes loveyou!)








As my resident twins (in babies class) often say:
OKTHANKSBAY-EEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!


Serious. Bun this I'm goin bed.

So, Danielle suggested I use this blog to write about my year abroad, and seeing as none of you heifers are using it I'm hijacking it! - This is friendship- RIGHT.

Anyway, over it.
All of you know anyway that I'm in Spain,
for those of you that care, and plan to use Google to see where the heck I am exactly, its the province of Extremadura in Badajoz, aka nooneherespeaksanyenglish-ville. Which is fiiiine, because I'm here to learn right?
Great place, nice and hot - 40 degrees yesterday #justsayin

Downsides-
this place will make you paranoid and racist (Kim/Danielle/Denise/Triona). I swear, my first two weeks in all of these situations:
being the first one asked to clean at work
being sold out at the supermarket by the cashier so the security guard searched my bag
and being stared at,
Two words came to mind - Its because I'm black isn't it. ( You can't say it was some far fetched assumption in the last two cases can you? No.)

Working in a nursery- 
for those of you that care, if not scroll past this bit ( Denise- LOL joke!)
I have the class with 2-3 year olds, and their germs. There's one set of twins, the chubbiest girl alive and one kid who cries so much he ends up drinking like a litre of snot each day, among many others. But they are all adorable, and theres a class for the babies and kids from 4-7. In the big kids class there are these 3 brothers, twins and one younger, who look like a walking ralph lauren adver. No joke, Leo DiCaprio hairstyle from titanic (gel with a sidepart) designer shoes, and shirts tucked into shorts- everytime I see them I sing "who wears short shorts", they dont get it, but then again they dont get that at school in the UK they would get beaten up. Pretty much all the boys in the older kids class are decked out in Ralph or DG right down to their socks- one question- WHERE ARE THEY GOING?! Food stains look the same on normal clothes as they do on Guccci alie?

AAAAAAAAAAAnywho.
Living with Niamh (Neev) an irish chick at the moment. There was an american girl who was with us but she found her own place to live and ducked out on us, while we're still looking for a new apartment, and hardly says 2 words to us unless we're at work. Bothered.
Today was the best day here so far! Went to our favourite shop lkhflhjlhjr (oh yeah, if you think I'm telling you cows what its called-UH NO) and bought the cutest shoes and to try on my future dream dress. And we met a spanish basketball team with my future dream babydaddy ( I'm kidding, I am, but I still have eyes dont I?). They were soo jokes! Poor Niamh though, they sent this one joker to translate everything for her and kiss her hand. They were very  pretty, but possibly to young (sad times). But they even live where we work (yesboi! - seriously, I'm kidding).
All in all, a pretty good day!

Update on the flat front:
We went to visit Rebeca, friend of a friend who may have 2 spare rooms for us. I swear down it was meant to be. 150 euros exactly (the max our boss will give us each kmt) for rent, plus internet, huuuge kitchen (compared to the crawl space we have now) and lovely big - may I add bed bug and spider free- bedrooms, aaaaand INTERNET! Which would mean no more roadside facebook. I had no idea how much I missed being able to go online at 3am no questions asked.

FINGERS CROSSED ON THAT GUYS.


Finally, Niamh is slowly but surely infecting my vocabulary with her irish saying such as :
Good luck! - sarcastic or meaning goodbye
Lets bust - lets go
Jesus!! - (say no more)
Lads - guys
Sound - good
Ride as in "He is an absolute Ride" (no joke) - fit/choong etc/he would "get it" (Denise)
Aboy! as in "Aboy tubss!" - yesss tubby! (we say that to some of the kids when we feed them because they are so chubby and eat like bulldozers)
Monster - her nickname for me, after the energy drink we both like.